Soaked Whole Wheat Bread

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I have been baking my own bread off and on for about 6 years now.  When I first started doing it, I used unbleached all-purpose flour, then I moved to whole wheat, then I started grinding my flour, and recently I started soaking the grains beforehand.  Baking breads was the first step our family took to eating real foods.

The main reason why I do this is because my daughter has had so many digestive issues and I find that grinding flour and soaking the grains has helped her tremendously (among other changes in her diet, such as going dairy free!).

Fresh ground flour: How and why?

I buy hard white wheat berries because I feel that they have the best flavor, they rise well (less dense), and the nutrition is practically the same as hard red wheat (“typical” whole wheat).

I use a grain mill attachment with my Kitchenaid stand mixer.  It works pretty well; though, I will say that I wish it ground it a little finer.  But for now, this is what I have to work with!  All you have to do is pour the wheat berries into the mill and turn on the mixer.  I put the mixing bowl underneath to catch the flour.

I have talked about grinding my own flour many times, but I don’t think I have ever explained why I grind my own flour.  Commercial flours are missing a great amount of vitamins and minerals.  The bran is taken out, which is what is necessary for colon health and weigh control.  Within 24 hours, 40% of the nutrients have oxidized.  Within three days, 80% of the nutrients have oxidized.  So, what you buy in the store has very few nutrients left in it.

It costs quite a bit less to grind flour.  I can buy a 50lb bag of organic wheat berries for $35, and this will last forever… 4-6 months at least.  I use 2 cups of berries for 3 cups of flour, so they go a long way.

Why Soak?

This quote from Sally Fallon (author of Nourishing Traditions) sums it up well: “Such processes neutralize phytic acid and enzyme inhibitors. Vitamin content increases, particularly B vitamins. Tannins, complex sugars, gluten and other difficult-to-digest substances are partially broken down into simpler components that are more readily available for absorption.”

Simply, the process aids digestion by breaking down starches, tannin, and proteins that are difficult to digest (including gluten).  The soaking process allows the intestines to absorb the maximum amount of nutrients possible.

Why Use a Bread Machine?

Okay… I realize that not everyone would agree with me here, but I have found the bread machine to save me a significant amount of time.  I probably wouldn’t bake bread as often as I do if I didn’t have one.  I use it for the “soaking” and dough part of the recipe, transfer the dough to loaf pans, allow it to rise again, then bake.  It comes out great every time.

What is a Dough Enhancer and Why Do I Use It?

My dough enhancer is made up of vital wheat gluten, citric acid, and ground ginger.  The benefits of the dough enhancer are worth it to me: these ingredients act as a preservative and the bread is lighter and fluffier.  Also, the vital wheat gluten adds quite a bit of protein to the bread.  Obviously, if you have problems with gluten, you wouldn’t use this… but would you be baking whole wheat bread anyway? :-)

I have tried time and time again to not use this, but my bread doesn’t turn out well at all… it is much fluffier, lighter, and much less dense when I use the dough enhancer.

My Bread Recipe, Including Soaking Instructions

Soaked Whole Wheat Bread
Whole wheat bread made from soaked, fresh ground wheat.
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Ingredients
2 cups of warm water
3 tbsp plain kefir (or any other acid medium… yogurt, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, etc)
1/3 cup coconut oil, melted
2 tbsp raw honey
2 tbsp sucanat
2 tbsp milk (I use coconut or almond)
2 tsp salt
3 tbsp vital wheat gluten, 2 pinches of citric acid and a sprinkle of ground ginger (dough enhancer)
6 cups of flour (again, I use hard white wheat, freshly ground)
2 heaping tbsp active yeast
Instructions
At night before bed, place the ingredients in the machine, in order (minus the yeast).
Mix the ingredients together well, close the lid, and allow to soak for 10-12 hours.
When it’s been 10-12 hours, place 2 tbsp of dry active yeast on top, close the lid, and press start!
My machine’s dough cycle is 1 1/2 hours, and I don’t allow it to go the whole time (when I do, it rises way too much). Just see how your machine does and how your dough does.
At about 50 minutes, I turn my oven to 350 degrees.
At about an hour, I spray my loaf pans (I have a sprayer that I fill with olive oil), split the dough into two, and place the dough into the loaf pans.
I then place the loaves on top of the oven, cover with a towel, and allow to rise again for about 15-20 minutes.
Watch closely, though, so it doesn’t “over-rise” (the dough enhancer is good!). If it over-rises, it’ll end up falling in the middle. It’s not a big deal, but it doesn’t look as pretty.
When it is about 3/4-1 inch over the loaf pan, place the loaves in the oven, and start the timer at 25 minutes.
It is finished when you thump the top and it sounds hollow (scientific, I know).
Immediately take the bread out of the loaf pans and cover with a towel. This keeps it nice and soft.
Once cooled, place in large ziploc bags.
The bread is usually good for a week or so.
Notes
If you want to skip the soaking directions, just don't include the kefir and begin about 1 1/2 hours before you want the bread!
This Crazy, Messy Life http://thiscrazymessylife.com/
 Find my blog post, among many others at Authentic Simplicity’s Healthy 2Day Wednesday!

Gratituesday: All We Need

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Gratituesday

God has reminded me of something so incredibly important this week: We have more than we would ever need, and we are incredibly blessed.

If I allow it, anxiety takes over pretty quickly.  With the events of this past week, on top of our struggle with finances, I have had a very rough week.  In my anxiety, I tend to be self-focused and forget how great my life truly is.  God basically “slapped me in the face” a few days ago and reminded me that I am incredibly blessed… right here… right where I am… in our financial struggle… in the face of the unknown… in the middle of not understanding why (in so many areas).

There are so many who have lost their lives and homes, and so many injured. I have many friends that are struggling with depression and illness.

I am constantly reminded that despite the fact that we aren’t able to live the life the world tells us to live, we are living the life that God has called us to… and He always provides for our needs.  He shows me over and over again why we are where we are… in every area.  And I trust Him.

This post was linked up to Heavenly Homemader’s Gratituesday!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cashew Bars

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I have seen many, many recipes for a “Homemade Lara Bar” out there, and many of them have been pretty complicated and full of ingredients!  So, when I ran across the cashew cookie dough bar recipe on Edible Sound Bites, I was super excited!  Only thing is, it needed some chocolate :-) .  And honestly, I don’t think medjool dates are completely necessary (they are a lot more expensive!).  So, below you will find a slightly adapted version of the recipe!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cashew Bars
Serves 10
An easy grain and dairy free snack!
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Prep Time
10 min
Prep Time
10 min
Ingredients
1 cup raw cashews
1 cup dates
Pinch of real salt
1/4 cup Enjoy Life Dairy Free chocolate chips
Instructions
Place cashews in food processor. Pulse until they are a fine flour-like powder.
Pour cashew powder into a bowl.
Place dates in food processor. Pulse until they are a paste.
Place cashews back into food processor, along with a dash of real salt.
Pulse until well mixed (will kind of ball up).
Add in chocolate chips. Pulse just until mixed in.
Using an 8 x 8 clear dish, place wax or parchment paper in the bottom.
Pour mixture into wax paper; place wax paper on top.
Mash into the dish... making it uniform across.
Place in refrigerator for at least one hour.
Cut and serve!
Adapted from Edible Sound Bites
Adapted from Edible Sound Bites
This Crazy, Messy Life http://thiscrazymessylife.com/
 

Gluten Free/Real Food Meal Plan for April 22-28

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I shared my two week meal plan last week, and things won’t be changing for the rest of the family.  I have made changes based on my plan to eat only real food for 7 days and to eat gluten free for at least 2 weeks.  So, this is my plan just for me!

Breakfasts:

Lunches:

  • Any combination of these: salads with grilled chicken and olive oil/balsamic vinegar dressing, raw zucchini and/or sweet peppers with mashed avocado, boiled eggs, sliced cheese, paleo bread with uncured deli meat/cheese (or peanut butter and raw honey when not at school), almond zucchini muffins (plan to use a mixture of almond and coconut).

Dinners:

Monday (Meatless Monday)
  • Burrito bowls (brown rice, pinto beans, avocado, cheese, tomato, homemade salsa)

Tuesday (Taco Tuesday)

  • Soft tacos (made from amaranth tortillas, crockpot chicken breast, leftover beans made into refried beans, and toppings)

Wednesday (Baked Potato Bar)

  • Baked sweet potato topped with grass-fed butter, roasted sliced almonds, sliced avocado, and sea salt OR coconut oil, coconut palm sugar, and cinnamon (depends on what I’m in the mood for!)

Thursday (Whole Chicken Night)

Friday (Game Night)

  • Finger foods!  Stove-popped popcorn, venison dried sausage and/or uncured salami, veggies/fruits, sliced cheese, etc.

Saturday (Something Special Saturday)

Sunday (Simple Sunday)

  • Omelets (venison/pork sausage or bacon, cheese, sweet peppers, onions)

Snacks:

This first week will basically be a week of testing things out. I’m going to make small amounts of each item, and if I like it, I might make more :-) .  I’m going to try to keep it simple!  Luckily, I have found that paleo/primal/gluten-free recipes seem to be easier than yeast-bread and wheat recipes because there’s no grinding or soaking involved (or waiting for things to rise!).  I think I might like this.

To make this work, I had to buy a few more things… but not too much!  I bought some amaranth flour (Which, I only bought it because it was supposedly $3.99 according to the sign, then when I got home, I realized I had been charged $7.99!  I probably won’t buy this one again!), almond flour, quinoa (we were out), some veggies/fruit, eggs, canned coconut milk, etc.  We should be good now until our next pay day ;-) .  I already had some coconut flour, buckwheat groats, and a few other things that will help with gluten-free eating.

We’ll see how things turn out!  Will you join me?

7 Day Real Food Challenge and Trying Gluten Free

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I have had a rough week… Again, this week, I had several days of constant anxiety.  It was overwhelming.  I went to the doctor on Monday and had a complete check-up, including blood work (to see if there was a physical reason for it), and he told me that I am incredibly healthy.  My blood pressure was perfect.  My weight is in a great range.  My blood work was exceptional.  He told me that eating well and exercising is paying off and to keep it up!  It’s so good to hear all of this… but it brings me back to square one with my anxiety.

I asked him about food intolerances, and asked if they could cause anxiety.  He said that there are times when food can affect the chemistry in the brain.  He could test for an allergy, but I don’t really have physical symptoms of allergy, so it could be an intolerance or sensitivity.  Basically, the best way to figure out a food intolerance is to have a food and mood log… see if there is any correlation with what I eat and my moods.

Because I eat wheat/gluten products every day, it would be hard to know if that is what is causing it.  So, I’ve decided to cut gluten out for a few weeks and see if it makes a difference.  I have avoided this for so long because it seems like such a fad.  Not feeling good in any area, cut out gluten.  There are gluten free recipes and products every where.  Robert hasn’t wanted me to consider it because of this.  He feels that with the way I prepare wheat products, we should be fine (fresh ground and soaked).  BUT, I am honestly willing to try anything right now.  I’m tired of the anxiety attacks.

I have many, many friends who have gone gluten free and have had amazing success.  I have been told that it’s not as hard as it seems, and isn’t too expensive as long as I don’t start buying a bunch of pre-packaged foods (which I don’t really do anyway).  So, last night, I spent the rest of my grocery budget and bought some more foods.  Mainly just some more veggies, eggs, a little bit of almond and amaranth flour, frozen fruits for smoothies, etc.  The biggest thing to me is instead of subbing “gluten free bread products” for things like wheat breads, I will just try to eat more proteins, veggies, etc… and just make a few things that are bread-like.  Since it’s just me eating GF, it shouldn’t be too complicated.

And honestly, Karis still can’t have dairy, so what’s one more elimination ;-) .  We tried adding dairy back in (to see if she could handle it), and she started having tummy issues pretty quickly (after doing well for so long!).  I’m sad that the way our foods are made these days create such issues!

So, I’m focusing on Michael Pollan’s famous quotes as my guide (I didn’t create these pictures!):michaelpollan2

michaelpollan1

To go with my gluten free “adventure,” I’m participating in the

7dayRealFood-300x250

I will be joining many, many bloggers in this challenge!  Along with gluten free, I will cut out anything that isn’t real food.  I already do a pretty good job of this… the main challenge that I have is when I’m not at home (working with junior high kids, at school, etc).  I’m excited about this challenge!  I will do an update post on April 28th!

Would you like to join me?  If so, click on the “7 Day Real Food Challenge” picture and choose an option!

I am not “making” the rest of my family participate in the gluten free challenge, but I plan to cut out foods that are not “real” for them as well (which isn’t difficult since they mostly eat real foods!).  I have already shared my meal plan with you (for the family), but I will share what I am planning for myself in a different post :-) .

Oh, one more thing… I have found in my search for gluten free recipes that gluten free doesn’t necessarily mean healthy… there are many gluten free products that I would not consider to be real food.  So, I am on the hunt for HEALTHY gluten free recipes.  Let me know if you have any ideas!!

**Edit… I have found MANY healthy recipes by changing my search from gluten free to grain free or primal/paleo.  I’ll share some recipes in my meal plan for next week!

Meal Planning Sundays: Two Week Meal Plan

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I realize that it has been a long time since I have posted my weekly meal plan!  This meal plan (mostly) follows my Frugal Monthly Meal Plan with a few changes (very few!).  As usual, we have a pretty tight budget again this month, so I’m keeping it simple and homemade!

This is my plan for two weeks!

Breakfasts:

  • Banana chocolate chip oatmeal muffins (I’ll post this recipe soon!)
  • Blender pancakes (make a large batch and eat through the week)
  • Eggs and toast
  • Breakfast tacos (venison/pork sausage, egg, potato, cheese on homemade tortillas)
  • Homemade granola

Lunches:

  • Any combination of these: Zucchini muffins, blender pancakes, sliced/chopped fruit and veggies, hummus and cheese sandwich, homemade whole grain crackers, sliced cheese, boiled eggs, deli meat roll ups, etc.

Dinners:

Monday (Meatless Monday)

Tuesday (Taco Tuesday)

  • Soft tacos (made from homemade tortillas, crockpot chicken breast, leftover beans made into refried beans, and toppings)

Wednesday (Baked Potato Bar)

  • Baked potatoes with toppings

Thursday (Whole Chicken Night)

  • Whole roasted chicken, roasted veggies, garlic toast

Friday (Game Night)

  • Game night!  Finger foods!  Stove-popped popcorn, venison dried sausage and/or uncured salami, veggies/fruits, sliced cheese

Saturday (Something Special Saturday)

Sunday (Simple Sunday)

  • Omelets (venison/pork sausage, cheese, sweet peppers, onions)

Snacks:

Other Homemade Staples:

  • Whole grain tortillas (fresh ground, soaked… recipe came from an e-book!)
  • Bread (fresh ground, soaked)
  • Yogurt
  • Yogurt ranch

Non-Food Homemade Items:

  • Laundry detergent- 1 bar of grated soap, 1 cup borax, 1 cup washing soda; use 1-2 tablespoons in each load!  This works better than expensive, chemically-laden detergents!

My List:
(I buy most of my groceries for two weeks and save a little bit for the second week, for produce and last minute items.  This is food, household, and personal care products)

Costco ($50)

  • Carrington Farms Organic/Unrefined Coconut oil ($15.99 for 54oz at Costco!!)
  • Kerrygold butter (grass-fed butter, 1.5 pounds for $6)
  • Ruta Maya Coffee (fair trade/organic, roasted in Austin, TX!  And, it’s actually several $$ cheaper at Costco))
  • Tillamook cheese (I typically buy raw, but this is cheaper at about $3.45/lb, compared to $5.99/lb and the cows mostly are pastured… plus, we LOVE the taste of Tillamook)
  • Half and half (I have tried to just put raw milk in my coffee, and it’s not the same!)
  • Veggie straws (pretty much the only snack item that I buy these days)

Walmart ($50)

  • Coconut sugar (I usually buy sucanat, but my only source is about 20 minutes away!)
  • Earth balance (since Karis can’t have butter!)
  • Nitrate-free lunch meat (1 salami, 1 turkey, and 1 ham)
  • Natural peanut butter (I don’t buy organic, but I buy natural… made with only peanuts and a dash of salt)
  • Organic olive oil
  • Toilet paper (Charmin Basic… just a 4 pack this time because we have some)
  • Sponges (Scotch Greener Clean)
  • Fels Naptha soap (for homemade detergent)
  • Floss (picky with this…)
  • Razors (4 pack, hubby and I both use men’s)
  • Mulch (2 bags, for front beds)
  • Cucumber and zucchini seeds (because some aren’t sprouting)

Sprouts ($70)

  • Whole chickens x 2 (cage free, hormone/antibiotic free, $1.69/lb)
  • Coconut milk
  • Hand soap (Lavender)
  • Dish soap (Lavender)
  • Mayo (the one thing that I cannot let go of…)
  • Cage Free eggs (1 carton)
  • Bananas (2 bunches)
  • Organic Zucchini (4)
  • Organic Apples (6)
  • Strawberries (3 containers, on sale for 4 for $5!)
  • Avocadoes (6, on sale for 2/$1!)
  • Cantaloupe (2- on sale for $1 each!)
  • Organic Lemons (4)
  • Organic Sweet potatoes (2)
  • Onions (2)
  • Dates
  • Cashews (1/2 lb)
  • Tisdale Sweet Red Wine (2 bottles, on sale for 3/$10!)

Co-op ($12)

  • Raw milk (I have been buying 3 gallons, but we don’t go through it all since Karis has to drink coconut milk!  This time I’m going to buy 2 gallons and see how it goes!)

Vitacost ($23 with shipping)

So, my total this week is $205, which leaves me with about $45 for next week (and I probably won’t even need it)!  So, that’s about $205-250 for two weeks of whole, real foods and natural products!

(The list was made before I left for the stores, but I ended up adding just a few things… so what you see was my actual spending)

Hope this helps!  It’s so awesome to know that it IS possible to eat well and use natural products on a budget!

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One Day at a Time

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I have finally caught up on things around the house, the kids are in bed early (after playing for several hours!), and my hubby is out of town… So, I have a little bit of time to write!  This post will be a bit random… bare with me!

Some Struggles

I struggle at times with an over-whelming sense of anxiety and depression.  I have found recently that it typically lasts several days each month, and it is so over-whelming that I struggle to do anything.  I feel like I’m drowning in it.  My wonderful husband picks up the slack on these days.

That happened this past week, and it was amazing how horrible I felt for a few days, then I felt great starting Wednesday (it was a complete 180).  I’ve discovered a few things… I’m pretty sure that a huge part of it is hormonal, and also, I’m pretty sure that I’ve been low in iron (among other necessary minerals and vitamins).  I started taking my amazing vitamins (Garden of Life Raw Women’s Vitamins) and fermented cod liver oil again, and I feel SO much better (I was extremely exhausted).  I also do so much better when I’m exercising regularly, and I had “slacked” in that area for about a week.

Also, if you’ve heard about the death of Rick Warren’s son (which, I’m sure you have), you’ll understand why it hit me hard this week.  He died by suicide (gun shot), and he was close to the same age as my brother.  Apparently he had been struggling with mental illness since he was young, and Rick Warren just felt that it wasn’t anyone’s business, so that’s why no one knew (which, I think is awesome!).  The hard thing is, people don’t understand mental illness at all… so there have been so many ugly things said to Rick about his son (and himself).  It makes me SO angry, and it upsets me because I know that people felt the same way about my brother.  I know it doesn’t matter, but I don’t understand why there is such misunderstanding about it!  Mental illness is an illness just like any other… And many times, it takes the life of the person struggling with it.  I have peace that my brother is with Jesus, and that’s what gets me through.  He was miserable here on earth, and that was all he knew to do.  At this point, all I can do is pray for Rick Warren, his family, and the people who are being ugly.  That’s what we’re called to do.

Another struggle is finances… As soon as we get some money in our emergency fund, something comes up and we have to start all over again.  This past month we had to get my car fixed, and Robert’s truck had some issues as well.  And since I didn’t get paid for the week of Spring break, we’ve just been inching along, trying to make it to payday.  So, in our struggle with money, I always assume that we (I) have done something wrong.  I sit and think about all that I can do differently… and this time I came to the conclusion that I am doing just about everything I can (short of feeding my family junk!).  We don’t eat out (we did today for the first time in a month or so!), we use cash for groceries (and I’m very meticulous in my planning), we don’t drive much, we don’t buy things… We do the best we can with what we have.  And in coming to that conclusion, I felt a lot better.  Just knowing that I am doing what I can makes a huge difference for me.  I was also blaming myself because of the fact that I decided to not teach full time next year, but I don’t know that I would actually get a full time position anyway… I am not in control, God is!  He has made it clear that I need to teach part time for a while still, and I am at peace with that decision.  In the mean time, we’ll just continue living very frugally!

On a Positive Note

That'smeI'mfree

As I’ve grown into an adult, and grown in my walk with Jesus, I have learned so much about myself.  And the biggest thing is that I am who God made me to be, I am loved by my Creator, He has me on a specific path in life for His glory, and I am ME for a reason and a purpose.  This year has been so good for me… I’m excited to continue watching how God molds me and uses me for His glory!  I no longer feel the need (most of the time) to compete with others… I just do things to improve or because I want to… not to look a certain way, or be someone that I’m not!  I have found that He has gifted me in the area of teaching, and I absolutely love it.  I love natural living, “homesteading” (having chickens, gardening, making lots from scratch, etc), I love being outdoors, I love to write, I am so blessed to have the family that I do, and most of all, I would be nothing without Jesus!

Working out and eating well used to be about looking a certain way… but I don’t care anymore!  I work out because it makes me feel GOOD.  It helps with my anxiety/depression, it gives me energy, and it just makes me plain happy.  I feel strong and capable.  I also eat to feed my body nutritious foods… not to lose weight.  If I don’t lose another pound, I’m okay with that.  Eating well shouldn’t be about the scale, but about how you feel!  Being skinny isn’t everything… and honestly, I am finally at my pre-Karis weight/size, and I’m good with that.

The Rest of this School Year and Summer

Life is crazy/busy as usual, but I’m loving it!

I have several goals as this school year comes to a close:

  • Clean out the kids’ closets and drawers (getting rid of clothes that don’t fit and/or winter clothes)
  • Get my classroom cleaned out and organized (and organize my school things at home)
  • Finish the first section of my childbirth education class (yes, I’m a bit behind…)
  • Make a plan for finishing the class (with-in the year).  I would like to be able to get my business set up by the beginning of next spring!
  • Read the book that I got from Book Sneeze; do a review and giveaway
  • Come up with a blogging schedule (will post as soon as I do!)

Goals for the summer:

  • Complete the physiology portion of my CBE class; read 2-3 books and do reviews (for the class)
  • Keep up with my blogging schedule (get ahead so that when I’m out of town, my posts will automatically publish)
  • Do “school” with the kids several days a week (schedule for this coming soon!)
  • Look at each theme for school and “perfect” it (add to, take away, etc)
  • Play a lot!  Take the kids to the park daily!

Anything else would just be extra :-) .  This summer, we will be even tighter financially than we are now, so I will have to make more changes to our grocery budget… but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.  Everything we do will have to be free or close to it, and luckily we will be out of town a lot during July (with the junior high kiddos), so we won’t have to worry about much then.  Summers are hard for someone who gets paid hourly, just during the school year!  Hopefully next year we will be able to get ahead a little before summer… but I won’t count on it ;-) (just in case).  We will just do the best we can!

Oh… life!  Just taking it one day at a time!

I’ll be back soon with some great posts!  I have missed writing!

This Season

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Blogging consistently has become a struggle… Every-time I sit down to write, I get distracted, interrupted, or something comes up.  The thoughts that I have in my head to write, never come out the way that I desire for them to.

I have so many things going on in life… mostly good, but some hard.  I want to write about what my heart is feeling, but the words just aren’t coming.

I want to write some of my new favorite recipes, about preschool activities and things that I have learned, about baking from scratch, about having chickens and gardening, about living naturally, and about how to do all of these things on a budget… but I just don’t have the time.

I want to write about simple and intentional living; my heart for missions, adoption, and loving the “least of these.”

I want to share how the suicide of Rick Warren’s son has brought back a whole new flood of emotions… but at this moment, I just don’t have the words to express them.

I want to write about how imperfect I am… the fact that I get angry and frustrated easily, I have major pride issues, and I think too highly of myself at times… about how hard this life is at times (much of the time), and how God’s grace is always sufficient.

I want to write about how as soon as I feel as though I’ve become consistent in something, it all starts falling apart.

I want to write about how God made each one of us for a specific reason, even when we don’t understand what our role or calling is… we were created on purpose for a purpose.

I want to write about how God loves you so much.  More than you could ever know.

I want to write about how God has called us to love others like Jesus loves us…

But writing posts about each of these is time consuming, and takes the ability to be able to sit down alone and write.  And for some reason, in this season, the time isn’t coming easily.

So for now, I leave you with this “reader’s digest version.”  Hopefully, in time, I will have time to write more posts.  When summer comes, I hope to start a writing schedule.

In the mean time, I just keep on doing the best I can, and focus on my family.  Because that’s my first priority.

 

Decisions and Peace

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meandkidseaster2013This picture was taken on Easter, and I absolutely love that Levi “photo bombed” the pic because that’s SO his personality. :-)

After several months of praying through a possibility of changing jobs next year, I made a final decision.

Out of no where several months ago, someone that I know emailed me asking if I would want to apply to teach full time next year.  So, I went through the process of applying, thinking that it would hurt to just apply (even though I currently love my job).  The money increase would be nice, and the maybe it would be time to go ahead and pursue my career in full time education.

I decided at the time to go ahead and pursue a job at my daughter’s school because she loves it there, and I love the school as well.

Despite the fact that I had two good chances to work full time next year (not definite by any means, but pretty good chances), I just didn’t feel peace about it.  The thought of going back into full time teaching so soon was a heavy weight on me all the time.  I literally thought about it most of the time.  Though the money would be nice (because we’re not doing great financially), I just don’t think the pressure and time is worth it.  I still have a little one that isn’t in school…

Robert and I had a long conversation the other night, and I told him that I just really haven’t felt peace about even pursuing this any further.  I love my job, I need some continuity/consistency, I need to be in the same place for more than a year, I want Levi to be able to go there next year, etc, etc, etc.  We made the decision to just keep things the way they are.

A weight was lifted immediately.

To help with our financial needs (and to continue to get to know people at the kids’ school next year), I’m going to continue subbing on Fridays.  I could possibly teach 4 days at the preschool, but I like the flexibility of subbing on Fridays (and getting more involved there).

I’m also going to become a little more involved in the PTA at the school (especially since 2 of our 3 will be there!), and lighten my load at church a bit.  I need to put a little more attention on the needs of my own children!

I’m super excited about the fact that all of my lesson plans are written at the preschool, many things are already made, and I know what I’m doing now, so next year will be so smooth.  This is the first time that I will be with one age group for more than one year… which means I won’t have to start over for the first time since I’ve started teaching.

This summer, I’m going to focus on getting as much of my childbirth education class done as I possibly can… and maybe next fall or spring I can start teaching those classes.  I’m excited about that as well!

I feel that, for now, I’m content with where I am and the choices that I’ve made.  I’m looking forward to seeing how God uses me and our family in the coming year :-) .

Feeling My Best

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robertandme

Today, April 1, 2013, I feel the best that I have felt in a long time.  I have made some necessary changes, and they have been very beneficial to my health… physically, emotionally, and mentally (spiritually is a whole other level).

The biggest thing is that I am finally, consistently, walking my talk.

For years I have blogged about things that I would do for a short time… and then I would struggle and stray.  I would give in to food/drink temptations, stop working out when it would be difficult for my schedule, stop doing things because they took too much time or effort, and most importantly, I did everything out of emotion (eat, drink, yell, etc).  I would go from one extreme to the next, struggling to maintain any balance.

I am by far from perfect, and I’m willing to admit and accept that more than ever.  The biggest difference is that most of the time I make decisions and choices instead of just allowing them to happen “to me.”  I take one day at a time, and when one day doesn’t go so great, I try again the next day.  I don’t give up because things aren’t perfect… because I know that they never will be.

My decisions are based on God’s word and/or how they make me feel physically.  I try not to base things on emotion, but I know that for me, my emotions do tell me a lot.  When I’m very stressed all the time, there’s something not right… either spiritually or physically.  So while I don’t base decisions on my emotions, I do take them into consideration.  I will say that there are times when my kids just make me stressed, but I’m able to recognize that :-) .  Sometimes it’s not my “fault”… there are times when there are outside circumstances that I have to learn to handle/deal with.

These are things that I am doing more consistently, that have made a huge difference for me:

  • Reading God’s word daily, and praying to Him often
  • Praying about situations that worry me/stress me out instead of trying to control them myself (I am in the waiting stages of a major decision, and instead of being stressed by it, I’m just trusting that God has an amazing plan!).
  • Loving on/praying for others more!
  • Limiting online time (not being online as much when the kids are awake)
  • Trying not to yell so much (though I’m not perfect in this area, I have gotten so much better)… it makes a huge difference in our household.
  • Reading books about God’s love, mercy, grace, and justice (I have been learning so much about the heart of God lately, and I’m constantly reminded how blessed we are).  My favorites right now involve authors by the last name of Hatmaker… Brandon and Jen.
  • Working out regularly… Getting back outside to run… Strength training… etc.  Having a goal in this area- wanting to run a 5k in May.
  • Eating whole, real foods.  These include raw milk, raw cheese, fresh ground/soaked wheat foods (homemade), lots of fruits and veggies, coconut oil, fermented cod liver oil (Green Pasture) and raw foods supplements (Vitamin Code/Garden of Life), healthy meats (try to buy grass fed, but that doesn’t always happen), cage free eggs (mostly from our chickens), etc.
  • Allowing myself to sway from that list at times, and not beating myself up.  I’m learning to just enjoy food!  The more I make myself feel guilty over not eating perfectly 100% of the time, the harder it is for me to be consistent.
  • Not drinking sodas (this is HUGE).  Not only do I feel better physically, but it is a huge weight off emotionally/physically/spiritually because it was an addiction that I could not kick for years.
  • Eating when I’m hungry (I tend to allow myself to get past the point of just a little hungry to the point of starving, and then I just want to bite everyone’s head off).  I have to be careful not to let me blood sugar dip too much.
  • Becoming more consistent in disciplining my kids and not just getting mad all the time (though I do “just get mad” at times, it’s not all day, every day!).
  • Letting go of the little things that just aren’t a big deal (loudness does NOT equal poor choices on the kids’ part… they are just being kids!).
  • Allowing myself to grieve when those times come (not ignoring it, but giving into it).
  • Allowing myself to be human, but knowing that decisions that I make can truly affect my physical, emotional, and mental state.  There has to be a balance here.  Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.
  • Be as organized as possible; have as much routine as a typical day would allow.
  • Staying busy!  For some, this would cause more stress… but I find that if I’m up and moving, then I feel my best… and the kids are much happier.  So while my to-do lists can be pretty long, it feels good to be moving all the time (and being productive)!  I allow myself rest at the end of the day (go to bed early!), and on Sundays (take naps, don’t workout, and just enjoy the day)!  Oh, and there are days in which I just throw out the to-do list and take a nap with my Ethan ;-) .
  • Most importantly… Making memories with my family.  I find that if I’m focused on spending time with and loving my family, I’m not so focused on myself.  I used to think that making memories meant spending money and doing extravagant things, but I have found that most good memories made are free :-) .

Again, I’m not saying that I have attained some kind of perfection, because we all know that will never happen.  I am just at a point of contentment, consistency, and joy that I haven’t experienced in a long time!