Week 1: Amazing.  I felt that nothing here would get to me; I was on the “honeymoon high.”

Week 2: Pretty rough.  Ethan was throwing fits constantly.  He was never happy.  I was starting to think that I couldn’t do this all day, every day.  How do other SAHM’s do it?  I know that my son isn’t the only one that throws fits, right?

I was also beginning to let everything get to me, I was struggling to get into routine, I couldn’t keep the house clean, I wanted to start making everything from scratch but was struggling to do that, homeschooling wasn’t really as easy as I thought, I started this blog and wanted to get it up and running over night, and I just wasn’t living up to the expectations I set for myself.

At some point last week, a friend told me “sometimes expectations get us in trouble.” 

Okay Courtney… You’ve done this to yourself too many times… Don’t allow extremely high expectations to steal the joy of being with your children and doing what God has called you to.  (am I the only one that talks to myself?)

Week 3: I decided to take a step back.  I asked myself many questions and prayed/thought through them.

What do I need to be doing right now?  What can wait until we get into a routine?

Needs- Taking care of my home and family.  Playing with them, feeding them, loving them, taking care of the house as much as possible, and just getting into a routine.

I’ve decided to start homeschooling after Christmas… give us some time to get into a solid routine.

I’m making some things from scratch, but I’m not trying to make everything from scratch right now.  I started with bread and breakfast .

I’ve done a pretty good job of maintaining the house, and I’ve let some things go.  My house will never be spotless… I have 3 small children!

Why is Ethan throwing so many fits?  This one was tough, because honestly, he’s always been my hard-headed child… lots of fits… lots of screaming and wanting his way.  He has always fought naps, bed time, etc.  He is just tough.  His behavior had improved a lot while in daycare, so I thought he had grown up, but all of the difficult behaviors from before had returned.  Doesn’t he want to be home?  Wouldn’t he prefer his mommy take care of him instead of daycare?  Why was his behavior so much better while in daycare?

Through prayer, and just getting to know my son (for the first time ever, really), I’ve begun to truly learn what he needs.

He struggles with change.  He needs his mommy’s attention a good part of the day.  He needs to be a “big boy” and be allowed to do lots on his own.  He needs love, hugs, kisses, and to be held.  He needs consistency.  He needs routine.  He needs me to get my eyes off of the computer screen.  He needs to be able to help with daily chores… even though sometimes it makes the chores more difficult .  He needs to feel as though he’s important.  He has big needs, but he is my son, and he’s worth it.

I have spent the past 3 years stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, and distant from my husband and kids.  Discipline meant spanking and just getting very frustrated much of the time… not really teaching the correct behaviors.  Not really figuring out what each individual child needed.  Not really seeing that a lot of the “bad” behavior was my fault.  Ouch.

I always wondered how some women seemed so content and peaceful at home.

Now I understand.