I spent weeks thinking through my “word for the year,” feeling like it was a perfect fit for my goals. I desired to be able to continue doing all the things that I felt were important, more consistently. So, my “word for the year” was consistency.
The past few weeks have been everything but consistent. We have had lots of sickness, missing work (which means less of a pay check), and just craziness.
God has a way of shaking up my ideals.
We’re just a few weeks into the year, and I’ve realized one thing: my “word for the year” was completely my idea, not His.
One thing that I’m realizing is that I will never be consistent in everything because, well, I’m imperfect. Focusing on this will only cause more guilt and frustration. This is not what God has called us to! Guilt is not from Him.
Instead of consistency, I’ve decided to focus on Kingdom-minded things… Living this life for the glory of God, loving others with all that’s with-in, missions. Missions. Where did THAT come from?
I have been feeling a calling for a while in this area… Robert and I both have. We certainly don’t feel a call to full time missions at this point, but God has been showing me over and over again that He has called us to share His love with others… and for me, that means away from my bubble.
Early this morning, as I was spending time with Jesus, I heard these words in a JJ Heller song:
“Everyone is known for something; what’s it going to be for you? Who are you? Who are you?”
I absolutely enjoy and have a passion for eating real foods, sharing the knowledge that I’ve gained over the years with others, researching and putting natural living into practice… but I don’t want to be known for that. My desire is to be known as a Christ follower… one that loves Him with all of my being… one that loves others more than myself… one that serves Him with all that is with-in me, and then some. Not for my glory, but for His. I don’t want to be known as a perfectionist, but as someone who is completely imperfect and relying on Jesus for all that I need.
I’ve realized lately that my focus is so off, yet again. And I don’t say this out of guilt, frustration with myself, or anything… I actually feel a weight lifted when I share this. Because God doesn’t want perfection out of us; He wants us to just surrender… to let go of control… to let go and follow Him. To trust that He has a plan that is so much better than our own.
“Perfection has a price, though I cannot afford to live that life. It always ends the same, a fight I’ll never win!
Ooooh, control. It’s time… time to let you go!” -JJ Heller
The thing is, if I’m focusing on controlling everything and perfectionism, something is going to suffer. Because as I have learned over, and over, and over, and over, and over again… Perfectionism is impossible and it just brings frustration, stress, and guilt.
Not sure why I constantly have to learn the hard way. I’m pretty sure I have about a dozen of posts about how I’ve slipped into perfectionism again and I’m having to take a step back. But, this is just something that I’ve struggled with for years, and probably will… because, well, I’m imperfect .