“Scenes of You come rushing through, You are breaking me down. So break me into pieces that will grow in the ground. I know that I deserve to die for the murder in my heart. So be gentle with me, Jesus, as You tear me apart.
Please kill the liar; kill the thief in me. You know that I am tired of their cruelty. Breathe into my Spirit, breathe into my veins. Until only love remains.
You burn away the ropes that bind and hold me to the earth. The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth. I begin to see reality for the first time in my life. I know that I’m a shadow, but I’m dancing in Your light!
Teach me to be humble. Call me from the grave. Show me how to walk with You upon the waves! Breathe into my spirit, breathe into my veins. Until only love remains.”
“Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity. Sweet Jesus Christ my clarity. Bread of Heaven, broken for me. Cup of Salvation, held out to drink. Jesus, mystery.
Christ has died, and Christ is risen. Christ will come again. Christ has died, and Christ is risen. Christ will come again.”
I didn’t get much sleep last night (due to a child sick all night), and things have been pretty tough in life lately (yesterday would have been my brother’s 32nd birthday). There’s something about difficulty that brings me closer to Christ and has me re-evaluating things in life (the Bible does talk about this constantly). I truly am thankful for hardship because I wouldn’t be who I am today… who Christ has molded me to be.
I admit it. I have a problem. I make this life about me, and it isn’t… by a long shot. I have a great deal of pride inside. I desire for people to look at me. See me. Even be encouraged by me. Not for the glory of God, but for the glory of me.
I have been humbled the past few days… in so many ways. I have been reminded that this life isn’t about me at all. It’s about Him. It’s about loving Him, knowing Him, and making Him known.
Last night, I read this post from Lindsay at Passionate Homemaking, and I can relate in so many ways: A New Year to Rest. I don’t feel that God has called me to the same end, exactly, but I have been processing many things that she said in her post.
“It has been challenging to maintain the blog while juggling all my various responsibilities within my home, church, and community. I have struggled repeatedly with my identity and comparing myself with others in the blogosphere. God has used it to prune and refine me and make me more like Himself. I’m tired of this sin in my heart. I’m tired of finding my approval in this stuff rather than wholeheartedly in my Lord. I’m just ready to let that all go once and for all.”
“Only one life, twill soon be past…Only what’s done for Christ will last.” – C.T. Studd
I constantly talk to Robert about the fact that other bloggers have thousands, even tens of thousands of subscribers… and I have very few. I constantly talk to him about the fact that I had this amazing blog series planned, but there are _______ many other bloggers doing the exact same series. I discuss how excited I am when others are encouraged by what I had to say on my blog, forgetting that God is the one who should be glorified.
I’ll be honest, the post that I wrote yesterday was a lot of fun. I enjoyed looking at our budget, what products we buy, how I’ve become more consistent in this, and the fact that I was able to help others through the research that I’ve done. But does it matter in the scheme of things? Does it benefit the Kingdom? I really don’t know. I’m still asking myself this question. What was the point if it wasn’t to benefit the Kingdom?
I understand that, just like our family, the budget is tight, and there are so many families that desire to eat real foods, made our Creator. But, I still wonder some times… what the point was of this or that blog post?
Ultimately, I have thought many times about giving up blogging, and I’m not there yet. But, if my blog isn’t there to glorify God, then, what’s the point?
This life isn’t about me. It isn’t about what I do, what I have done, and what I will do in the future.
Do you know how much I think about my blog? Too much. It is too much of a priority. It is too much of a focus.
I have decided that though it’s not time to give up my blog (I don’t feel peace about that), it’s time to step back a bit. But just like Lindsay, I’m praying through the future of my blog, the purpose of it, and why I have it. I do hope you will stick around… I don’t feel this is the end. I still have a book review and giveaway coming up, and I promise you won’t want to miss it!
Will you do something for me? I truly need your input. What things that I write about are most encouraging, inspiring, and bring you closer to Jesus? What would you truly like to see in 2013? I have my own plans, but I want to do what is most beneficial to you, your family, and your relationship with Christ. Every-time I write, I feel that what I wrote was for me, not others. I want that to change. Starting now.
Please, please, please share your thoughts!!
I am constantly being pruned, molded, and made to be more like Christ… and I’m so thankful. I pray that He would continue doing that Until Only Love Remains. Which, as we all know, will be when we are with Him in Heaven!
It’s all about Him and His glory.
~To know Him and make Him known.