Sometimes I wish that I could just turn my brain off. It’s always busy. Not always in a stressed out way, but I always have things going through my mind… Honestly, that’s the biggest reason why I blog. It’s gives me an outlet.
My blog post today is just that… my outlet. It’s a bit scattered and random, but it’s what is on my mind and my heart. So, I apologize in advance .
I’m Imperfect and Always Will Be
Not that my goal is ever to be “perfect,” I often have expectations for myself that I cannot meet. I have always been this way, and I probably always will be. I will always “learn the hard way” that I cannot do it all. Because I will continue trying. My motivation is always to do what’s best for my family, but it overwhelms me at times.
Being a mom is hard. Period. Between discipline (which some days is overwhelming), keeping up with laundry (my least favorite thing to do), keeping the house somewhat clean (life feels chaotic if not), feeding them well (which involves making foods from scratch), teaching them about Jesus, keeping up with school/homework, etc… It’s just a lot to keep up with. And most days, I do just fine… In fact, most of the time I really enjoy my “job” as a mom. I love taking care of the kids, helping Karis with homework and reading, having devotions, making things from scratch, Some weeks, it all catches up to me… this past week was one of those weeks. And yesterday morning (after NO sleep), I blamed myself (as usual). Today (now that I’ve had some sleep), I recognize that I have to be okay with having “off” weeks because I am human. There are certain things that I have no choice but to do, but it’s okay if I need a break.
It’s frustrating to me that I feel so “back and forth” much of the time… but I give 110% for a while and get burned out…
So Thankful for My Husband and Parents
On nights when I feel like I cannot go any longer, my hubby is always there to pick up my slack. He will allow me to have my own time while he takes care of everything. Not many husbands will do that! I can always count on him to cook dinner, feed the kids, clean up, get them in their jammies, read to them, and put him to bed. I don’t do this all the time, but when I need to, he’s always willing!
I also know that my parents are always available! I’m not sure what I would do if I didn’t know that I can always come to their house to relax, or even send the kids for the weekend. What grandfather do you know that will change poopy diapers or feed them their meals? That’s my kids’ Pawpaw. He is so involved and is always willing to help with anything that needs to be done. I’m SO blessed! And my mom will be the one to give them their baths and put them to bed at night. I love that if I need, I can be hands off for the weekend… or if I want to be involved, we work together which makes the load much lighter.
If I didn’t have the help that I do, I wouldn’t be able to do half of what I do. I can’t imagine having it any other way.
I absolutely love my “job” (it doesn’t feel like a job!), but I realized this week that I have made it a priority some days (over my family). I could sit on the computer all evening, looking for new ideas, printing out games, etc. But, I just can’t. I have to learn to put a limit on the time that I spend “working” and put that time and energy towards spending time with my family. I love my family more than anything, so it’s not that I don’t want to spend time with them… I just find myself a little obsessed sometimes with the new things that I’m passionate about. I’m such a passionate person about many things, so I find it difficult to find a good balance with those areas. But, ultimately, my relationship with Jesus and my family needs to come before anything else! When they don’t, life begins to become unraveled. It’s a good thing that God loves me anyway, and He always helps me get things back in order.
God Made Me Passionate
I am completely aware that God made me the way that I am for His glory… and I’m thankful that I am a passionate person. It’s just frustrating some days when I want to give 110% to everything that I’m passionate about, and that’s impossible. Still trying to find my way in this… I’m passionate about my relationship with Jesus, my family, keeping a clean/organized home, cooking/baking from scratch (eating whole foods), my ministry at school, working with the junior high at church, doing things outdoors, etc. Then I have the childbirth education training just sitting on the backburner… I desire to pick that back up as well (since I HAVE already paid for it and I really feel that this will be an amazing ministry one day!). Again, God made me the way that I am for a reason and a purpose… I just need to make sure that I have my priorities in line and trust Him with the rest. I have had to let some things go (like making our own cleaners, detergents, personal care products, cloth diapering, etc) because I just couldn’t do it all… Some days I even miss doing all of that! But, I cannot do it all! There are SO many benefits to “natural living” in general… but again… I cannot do it all. So, I have to trust that God will help me with what is the most important, and fill in the gaps where I cannot do what I would like to do.
Adjusting to a Public School Schedule
I know 100% that God has called our family to be in the public schools. It has taken me a long time to realize this… and it has taken my husband just putting his foot down and me submitting to this for me to realize this. Karis is thriving more than ever before. She is has tons of friends, she is doing really well in reading, and she comes home every day excited because she just loves it so much. But I will say that the schedule is overwhelming. Between her being in school from 7:50-2:50 every day, doing homework and reading when she gets home, all of the special events that come up (and we can’t possibly do them all), runner’s club (she goes to this twice a week), ballet on Monday afternoons, and then going to church on Wednesday nights (which means a late night), it can definitely be exhausting. But, knowing that this is what God has called us to (with-out a doubt) has really helped me to adjust. When I’m exhausted, I just go back to the fact that God won’t call us to something that He won’t give us what we need.
Robert and I have had a heart for adoption for several years… but unfortunately, it’ll probably still be a while until we start pursuing it. Since he just started back to school, there’s so much going on in our life right now. I would start the process right now, but he’s not ready. I am confident that God will give us both peace when it is time. I trust Him with this because He has an amazing plan!
I absolutely love life and I realize that nothing will ever be perfect. I am beyond blessed with an amazing husband, beautiful children, a family that will help with anything, a job that is a perfect fit for me, all that we need (and more), and a heart to serve Jesus. I couldn’t ask for anything more… I just desire to stop stressing over every little thing and just live. It’s so easy to get caught up in things that don’t matter and forget how important it is to just live each day… one day at a time… and to trust that God will take care of everything. He is in control, He has a plan, and He will give me everything that I need!