The Weight of Control

My goal in this life is simplicity.  One thing that I have realized is to gain simplicity, I will have to let go of some things.  I am the one who makes things so complicated.

I was listening to some music that I listened to a lot in college, and I was remembering a more simple time of life.  Funny thing is, I didn’t feel like life was simple then.  I walked around stressed, anxious, and trying not to be depressed all of the time.

So… it is obvious to me that simplicity isn’t necessarily circumstantial… it’s a frame of mind.  My mind is what over-complicates things.

My problem is that I take all past and present issues and (possible) future issues, and I pile them on top of my shoulders.  I walk around with all of that baggage, and then try to control everything based on the weight that is on my shoulders.

Then, I also add to my shoulders the weight of being imperfect.  I keep a running list of all that I am not doing right.

My dad told me the other day that he thinks I have the perfect life and I don’t even know it.

Wait a minute…… perfect?  What’s perfect about it?

I immediately started thinking of all that is imperfect about it and me.

This definitely made me take a step back.  What about my life is “perfect?”

This was a humbling thing to look at.

Wow.

It may not be “perfect” (because nothing in this world will ever be), but it’s pretty darn close.  I have an amazing, godly husband who has a servant heart and loves his family; I have three beautiful, amazing, healthy children; we have all we need.  We are about to move to an area that will allow us the opportunity to love on and build relationships with junior high kids (which we have a passion for).  Simplicity in life is in reach.  We are beginning to be able to do things like go backpacking, camping as a family, going to camp/trips with youth, etc.  Robert is about to go back to school.

We have all we ever dreamed of!  So our house will be small and simple… who cares??  Simple is a GOOD thing.  It allows us to be able to live.  I am dealing with the stresses of buying a home.  Who cares??  This is temporary.  It’ll be over soon.  Flood and homeowners insurance aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.  Paperwork to buy a home is just part of the process.  Once the process is over, we’ll have our home and can just live life!

My goal today (and every day, really) is to be able to see all of those things instead of all of the little details that just don’t matter (and are temporary).

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