I have finally caught up on things around the house, the kids are in bed early (after playing for several hours!), and my hubby is out of town… So, I have a little bit of time to write!  This post will be a bit random… bare with me!

Some Struggles

I struggle at times with an over-whelming sense of anxiety and depression.  I have found recently that it typically lasts several days each month, and it is so over-whelming that I struggle to do anything.  I feel like I’m drowning in it.  My wonderful husband picks up the slack on these days.

That happened this past week, and it was amazing how horrible I felt for a few days, then I felt great starting Wednesday (it was a complete 180).  I’ve discovered a few things… I’m pretty sure that a huge part of it is hormonal, and also, I’m pretty sure that I’ve been low in iron (among other necessary minerals and vitamins).  I started taking my amazing vitamins (Garden of Life Raw Women’s Vitamins) and fermented cod liver oil again, and I feel SO much better (I was extremely exhausted).  I also do so much better when I’m exercising regularly, and I had “slacked” in that area for about a week.

Also, if you’ve heard about the death of Rick Warren’s son (which, I’m sure you have), you’ll understand why it hit me hard this week.  He died by suicide (gun shot), and he was close to the same age as my brother.  Apparently he had been struggling with mental illness since he was young, and Rick Warren just felt that it wasn’t anyone’s business, so that’s why no one knew (which, I think is awesome!).  The hard thing is, people don’t understand mental illness at all… so there have been so many ugly things said to Rick about his son (and himself).  It makes me SO angry, and it upsets me because I know that people felt the same way about my brother.  I know it doesn’t matter, but I don’t understand why there is such misunderstanding about it!  Mental illness is an illness just like any other… And many times, it takes the life of the person struggling with it.  I have peace that my brother is with Jesus, and that’s what gets me through.  He was miserable here on earth, and that was all he knew to do.  At this point, all I can do is pray for Rick Warren, his family, and the people who are being ugly.  That’s what we’re called to do.

Another struggle is finances… As soon as we get some money in our emergency fund, something comes up and we have to start all over again.  This past month we had to get my car fixed, and Robert’s truck had some issues as well.  And since I didn’t get paid for the week of Spring break, we’ve just been inching along, trying to make it to payday.  So, in our struggle with money, I always assume that we (I) have done something wrong.  I sit and think about all that I can do differently… and this time I came to the conclusion that I am doing just about everything I can (short of feeding my family junk!).  We don’t eat out (we did today for the first time in a month or so!), we use cash for groceries (and I’m very meticulous in my planning), we don’t drive much, we don’t buy things… We do the best we can with what we have.  And in coming to that conclusion, I felt a lot better.  Just knowing that I am doing what I can makes a huge difference for me.  I was also blaming myself because of the fact that I decided to not teach full time next year, but I don’t know that I would actually get a full time position anyway… I am not in control, God is!  He has made it clear that I need to teach part time for a while still, and I am at peace with that decision.  In the mean time, we’ll just continue living very frugally!

On a Positive Note

As I’ve grown into an adult, and grown in my walk with Jesus, I have learned so much about myself.  And the biggest thing is that I am who God made me to be, I am loved by my Creator, He has me on a specific path in life for His glory, and I am ME for a reason and a purpose.  This year has been so good for me… I’m excited to continue watching how God molds me and uses me for His glory!  I no longer feel the need (most of the time) to compete with others… I just do things to improve or because I want to… not to look a certain way, or be someone that I’m not!  I have found that He has gifted me in the area of teaching, and I absolutely love it.  I love natural living, “homesteading” (having chickens, gardening, making lots from scratch, etc), I love being outdoors, I love to write, I am so blessed to have the family that I do, and most of all, I would be nothing without Jesus!

Working out and eating well used to be about looking a certain way… but I don’t care anymore!  I work out because it makes me feel GOOD.  It helps with my anxiety/depression, it gives me energy, and it just makes me plain happy.  I feel strong and capable.  I also eat to feed my body nutritious foods… not to lose weight.  If I don’t lose another pound, I’m okay with that.  Eating well shouldn’t be about the scale, but about how you feel!  Being skinny isn’t everything… and honestly, I am finally at my pre-Karis weight/size, and I’m good with that.

The Rest of this School Year and Summer

Life is crazy/busy as usual, but I’m loving it!

I have several goals as this school year comes to a close:

• Clean out the kids’ closets and drawers (getting rid of clothes that don’t fit and/or winter clothes)
• Get my classroom cleaned out and organized (and organize my school things at home)
• Finish the first section of my childbirth education class (yes, I’m a bit behind…)
• Make a plan for finishing the class (with-in the year).  I would like to be able to get my business set up by the beginning of next spring!
• Read the book that I got from Book Sneeze; do a review and giveaway
• Come up with a blogging schedule (will post as soon as I do!)

Goals for the summer:

• Complete the physiology portion of my CBE class; read 2-3 books and do reviews (for the class)
• Keep up with my blogging schedule (get ahead so that when I’m out of town, my posts will automatically publish)
• Do “school” with the kids several days a week (schedule for this coming soon!)
• Look at each theme for school and “perfect” it (add to, take away, etc)
• Play a lot!  Take the kids to the park daily!

Anything else would just be extra .  This summer, we will be even tighter financially than we are now, so I will have to make more changes to our grocery budget… but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.  Everything we do will have to be free or close to it, and luckily we will be out of town a lot during July (with the junior high kiddos), so we won’t have to worry about much then.  Summers are hard for someone who gets paid hourly, just during the school year!  Hopefully next year we will be able to get ahead a little before summer… but I won’t count on it (just in case).  We will just do the best we can!

Oh… life!  Just taking it one day at a time!

I’ll be back soon with some great posts!  I have missed writing!

This picture was taken on Easter, and I absolutely love that Levi “photo bombed” the pic because that’s SO his personality.

After several months of praying through a possibility of changing jobs next year, I made a final decision.

Out of no where several months ago, someone that I know emailed me asking if I would want to apply to teach full time next year.  So, I went through the process of applying, thinking that it would hurt to just apply (even though I currently love my job).  The money increase would be nice, and the maybe it would be time to go ahead and pursue my career in full time education.

I decided at the time to go ahead and pursue a job at my daughter’s school because she loves it there, and I love the school as well.

Despite the fact that I had two good chances to work full time next year (not definite by any means, but pretty good chances), I just didn’t feel peace about it.  The thought of going back into full time teaching so soon was a heavy weight on me all the time.  I literally thought about it most of the time.  Though the money would be nice (because we’re not doing great financially), I just don’t think the pressure and time is worth it.  I still have a little one that isn’t in school…

Robert and I had a long conversation the other night, and I told him that I just really haven’t felt peace about even pursuing this any further.  I love my job, I need some continuity/consistency, I need to be in the same place for more than a year, I want Levi to be able to go there next year, etc, etc, etc.  We made the decision to just keep things the way they are.

A weight was lifted immediately.

To help with our financial needs (and to continue to get to know people at the kids’ school next year), I’m going to continue subbing on Fridays.  I could possibly teach 4 days at the preschool, but I like the flexibility of subbing on Fridays (and getting more involved there).

I’m also going to become a little more involved in the PTA at the school (especially since 2 of our 3 will be there!), and lighten my load at church a bit.  I need to put a little more attention on the needs of my own children!

I’m super excited about the fact that all of my lesson plans are written at the preschool, many things are already made, and I know what I’m doing now, so next year will be so smooth.  This is the first time that I will be with one age group for more than one year… which means I won’t have to start over for the first time since I’ve started teaching.

This summer, I’m going to focus on getting as much of my childbirth education class done as I possibly can… and maybe next fall or spring I can start teaching those classes.  I’m excited about that as well!

I feel that, for now, I’m content with where I am and the choices that I’ve made.  I’m looking forward to seeing how God uses me and our family in the coming year .

I apologize for not writing much lately… life has me busy!

This post will be a bit random… kind of an “update post” of what has been going on in our world, and what’s to come!

We went on our trip, and ended up having to leave early, for many reasons.  One of the biggest is that it was freezing.  It ended up being in the 20s at night, and the temp didn’t rise much till lunch time.  I struggled to stay warm.  We tried for a few days, and I was miserable, so we left.  We also alternated not feeling well… it was just a busy :-/.

We ended up spending the rest of the week at my parents’, had Karis’ “family party,” then left Saturday evening (the 16th).  It was so good to be home!!

Other than the trip being a bust, it has been a good month .  Spring is in the air (kinda), and we have planted our square foot gardens.  That was so much fun!  The chickens are happy and giving us almost an egg a day.  I can’t wait to get more chickens!  I think that we will get some ameraucanas next!

I have found a new co-op to buy my raw milk from that saves me $2 a gallon, and pick up is on Friday evenings, which works so much better for me!  Raw milk is one of those things that I feel is so important because of the health benefits!  And Jersey Girls, the dairy that we buy from, is so well run!  It makes me feel good to know that my milk is coming from such a clean and good source!

Last summer, Robert and I cut out sodas and fried foods for a few months.  This was the one and only time that I have been successful in cutting out sodas completely.  We decided to do it again, but this time, I will NOT go back to drinking sodas!  We are on day 3, and I haven’t really even desired one.  I had the chance to drink sodas during a youth meeting today, and it didn’t even phase me.  This is huge!

One of the big things that really pushed me over the “edge” so to speak with my addiction was talking with my doctor about it.  He reminded me that they are made to be addictive… they are just like cigarettes.  If I quit, then I can’t go back.  He also reminded me that my fatigue would be so much better if I quit.  He gave me the encouragement that I needed to go ahead and make that decision.  I feel that this is finally “it.”  I’m done.

I bought a Fitbit Zip the other night (for $25 off the regular price!), and I have been very impressed with it.  It honestly makes me want to get up and move more because it records all of my activity.  It’s awesome!  It has been a good tool to remind me how important it is to just get up and get moving… even if that means cleaning, working in the yard, or going for a walk.  Movement is so important for health!  It is also nice to see what progress I’m making when I’m at the gym.  I highly recommend getting a Fitbit!

I made the decision last week that I need a plan for my working out.  Last summer, when I was starting training for the half marathon, I was consistent in exercise and eating well, my mental/emotional health was the best it has been in years, and it was just a really good time.  With the issues that I had with my foot, I just gave up on it all.  I have decided to attempt to train for the “Run Like a Mother” 5k, and see how my foot does .  If nothing else, it’ll get me back into the consistency that I once had, which is the most important thing!  I think my foot will be able to handle up to 3.1 miles… just not any more than that.  And I have found that running on a treadmill hurts worse than running in my neighborhood… So I plan to get back to running around here as soon as it’s not so cold!

This weekend has been a blast.  It started Friday night with a fun game night with the kids.  We played a memory/match game, and Levi beat us all!  I was truly amazed at his ability to pay attention that long, and know exactly how to play it.  He even watched what everyone else did.  He did an awesome job.

Yesterday started with a visit to the Perot Museum in Dallas, thanks to my amazing in-laws!  They have a membership there, so she said we can go back anytime!  I can’t wait!  We were only able to spend about an hour and a half there because of Levi, but we had so much fun.  We got to look at dinosaur bones, crystals and gems, experience an “earthquake,” and even create our own bird.  I think next time I will pick one thing to focus on and follow up on it at home.

Than, we had Karis’ “friend party” last night which included 10 1st grade girls, junk food, movies, and the game Headbanz.  It was a blast, loud, and busy!  I love that Karis has so many good friends!!

On another note, I have started subbing on Fridays at our local elementary school (where Karis currently goes to school, and the boys will go).  It’ll be nice to get back “in there” a bit, get to know the teachers and principal, and possibly start teaching full time again in the future.  There’s a long back story to this, but I won’t go into it now .  For now, I’m just going to take one day at a time, and live life right here, right now!

We have so much coming up this summer, so we are gearing up for more busyness!

In June we have VBS at church, then in July we are going on two trips with the junior high.  At the beginning of July, we are going on two separate leadership trips (they call it Kenosis).  The guys are going to Colorado, and the girls are going to Galveston.  I’m sad that we’re not going to Colorado this year (which means we are missing out on white water rafting!), but it’ll be nice to have a relaxing trip at the beach!  The week of the 21st, we are going on a mission trip to Memphis, TN.  I’m more excited about that than anything.  I cannot wait to love on kiddos!  It’s going to be amazing!

I also plan to do some “school” with the kiddos as much as I can this summer.  Karis has already told me that she really wants to do school at home, and Ethan needs a little bit more to be ready for Kindergarten.  I’m excited about working with them.  I will post my plan on here once I get it ready!

I will be back soon and will attempt to be more consistent with posting… though I make no promises!  I have had a lot going on in my mind to write about, but I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write!

I honestly love staying busy because it keeps my mind from thinking too much, and it keeps my body moving.  We’re in a great season!

I won’t be around for at least a week because my husband and I are taking a backpacking trip!  We’ll be in the Guadalupe Mountains National Park, enjoying God’s beautiful creation!  The kids will be staying with my parents getting spoiled.  It’s a win-win for all!

I’ll be sure to post lots of pictures when we come back and share about our adventure!

I am at a point in my life in which I *cannot* miss my time with Jesus in the morning.  When I do, I feel it… I know that it’s just me, in my measly flesh, trying to live this life…  I feel powerless.  It’s not like He’s not in me (He’s always there!), but I am much more focused on myself, what I can do in my own power (not much), and how I feel (which is not usually truth).  I have come up with a way to spend time with Him each morning that works well for me… Time with Jesus is one of those things that You have to find your own way.  The way I do it might not work for you… that’s the cool thing about a relationship with Jesus.  It’s personal.

I have four things in hand to do this each morning… 1) Bible, 2) Journal, 3) Pen, and 4) Coffee (not required, but I enjoy it).  I also often listen to praise music in my earphones while I’m reading/writing.  If the kids are awake (which they often are), I turn on a movie/TV or have them do their own reading.  As they get older, I will form this into a quiet time for them.  Karis is somewhat there, but she gets so distracted right now .  We are working on getting her into a “habit” of a quiet time, but we don’t do it every day yet.  We do reading most nights out of the Jesus Storybook Bible together (and I just ordered a devotional called Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing for the kids written by the same author!!).

I’m currently reading through the Bible.  It started out as a reading plan through You Version, but I was tired of using my phone/computer instead of my actual Bible, so I just picked up where I left off from there and turned it into my own study.  I’m currently reading Exodus (just finished today, actually!), Psalm, and 1 Corinthians.  I started out with Genesis, Psalm, and Luke (also Ecclesiastes, but I decided to only read through 3 books at a time because I was a bit over-whelmed).

Sometimes I read a whole chapter, sometimes I just read part of a chapter.  It just depends on the day and the amount of time that I have.  In my journal, I write the date, the scripture “address,” and then notes from that reading.  Sometimes my notes are just quotes from the actual scripture that speak to me, and sometimes it’s notes that come from my heart through reading.  This is where I just let the Spirit lead… He speaks to me in different ways each day.  I also often write lyrics of the song that I’m listening to.  He speaks to me very clearly through lyrics of songs… often.

After reading, I write prayer to Jesus.  This is sometimes pages long (if I have time!), and sometimes it’s just a paragraph.  I try to “praying continually” through the day as well.  If a prayer request is asked, I pray right then and there!  Isn’t it cool that we don’t have to be in a certain place to pray?

It has truly taken me years to get to where I have a routine with this.

I’ll leave you with some words that were spoken to me this morning…

On one hand, “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

On the other hand, “The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus.  The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus!” (song by Ronnie Freeman)

I often forget how much I am loved, and that every good and perfect gift comes from above.  I often feel as though I’m unworthy of such blessings.  I am amazed daily by His gifts, and I know that they are from Him.

But on the other hand, I know my heart and it’s not pretty.  Without Him, I am nothing!  He is what gives me everything that I have inside and out to serve Him.  The most important gift of all is Himself… I am worthy, through the cross of Christ, to receive such blessings!  He is what is good in me!

In Exodus 40, I am amazed at the power and glory of the Lord that directed the path of the Israelites.  That SAME power lives inside of those who are His!  He will direct your path!  He is in control!  And He loves you even though you have messed up countless times (like the Israelites).

It all comes back to His amazing, unconditional, agape love.  We are truly blessed with more than we deserve… Not with temporal things, but with His grace, mercy, love, and relationship!

I have created a Facebook page for us to have real conversation about real life!  If you would like to be involved in this, check out my page!  Facebook: This Crazy, Messy Life

I’ve decided to start a new “series.”  Random confessions.  I find it to be therpeutic for me to confess, and encouraging for other mama’s to hear that they are not alone.  These will just come as I feel compelled!

It’s been a crazy several weeks.  We have been gone every weekend since the beginning of November.  I love my life, but I am human.  It is truly catching up to me.  I am looking forward to a weekend at home!!

Today was an “off” day at school… I know everyone has these days, but it was probably my most “off” since I started.  It was difficult to get through.  Even at a place that I just LOVE to be, nothing is ever perfect.

Then, I got home…

One thing that I cannot handle is mess.  I was picking up around the house, and I walked into my daughter’s room.  I saw the biggest mess I’ve ever seen in her room, and I completely lost it.  Probably not one of my finest moments as a parent…

Has anyone else ever gone into their kids’ room and just started throwing stuff away?  Yeah, I did that… while yelling.  Luckily, my daughter is a very forgiving person, but I still feel bad.  I have decided that “stuff”" is just a stressful thing.  She and I are going to be getting rid of some things before Christmas (again).  There’s a reason why I keep our “stuff” at a minimum.

I wanted more than anything to go by Sonic and get a drink, but I don’t drink soda anymore… so I guess I’ll have to settle for coffee.  I’m not sure why I need a “drink” to make me feel better… I guess it’s one of those emotional “soothing” things.  Luckily, God always knows what I need, so I trust Him.

I had all these ideas to do advent activities, but we’re behind.  I honestly don’t know if we’re going to be able to “catch up,” or if we’ll just pick up and do what we can do.  I think next year I’ll just do one every other day or something… It’s just so hard to not get behind… especially when I’m working part time, trying to make all our foods from scratch, and trying to keep a clean (enough) house (which, I’ve tried many times to let the house go and I just can’t…).  We do our reading every night (from the Jesus Storybook Bible), and I feel that is more important than anything else.

I spent too much on an idea… I wanted to make Christmas presents for everyone, and I realized after so many weekends of not being home that it just wasn’t going to happen.  I was able to take some things back, but some things I couldn’t… So I over-spent on something that I won’t have time to do… I think next year I’m going to just order all of my gifts online (on “Cyber Monday”) and call it good.  I will be able to enjoy the season so much more if I’m not stressed over trying to do too much.

I do that a lot… spend too much.  I always have good intentions, but I am not consistently able to follow through.  Sometimes I buy way too many groceries with lofty ideas of making these amazing meals, then I don’t have the time/energy.  I have gotten much better, but I still have a ways to go.  I don’t eat out anymore or buy drinks at Sonic (and rarely Starbucks), but I still find ways to spend .  Luckily, my husband is now doing the finances and he’s better at saving than I am.

I should probably be doing fun activities with my kids right now, but instead I’m sitting at my computer writing this.  And you know what, I’m okay with that.  They are happily watching Polar Express (yeah, they’re watching a movie while I sit at the computer and relax).  Wish I could just add a big soda and something unhealthy to eat on top of that… Oh well.  It wouldn’t make me feel better…

Alright, I’m done with my “random confessions” for today… Be on the lookout for more “random confessions” from this crazy, messy life.

When making dinner, I want simple, yummy, and cheap (and it has to be real food).  Robert and I decided to try to use up some of the food that we have in our fridge and freezer this week so that we spend as little as possible.  I found a whole chicken in my fridge, so as usual, I decided to make two meals out of it.  These meals were definitely simple, yummy, and cheap! One thing to know about our family is that we eat more veggies than meat… and I guess it’s because we are so cheap!

The first one that I made was a Crockpot Herb Chicken.

Ingredients:

• Whole chicken
• 3-4 carrots, chopped
• 3-4 potatoes, diced
• 1 whole onion, chopped
• 1 teaspoon basil
• 1 teaspoon oregano
• 1-2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1-2 tablespoons olive oil
• Sea salt and cracked black pepper

Directions:

1. Place whole chicken in bottom of crockpot.
2. Salt/pepper
3. Place chopped/diced veggies on top.
4. Place herbs, garlic, and olive oil on top of veggies (it will seep down into the pot).
5. Salt and pepper again.
6. Cook on high for 6 hours.
7. Leave about half of the chicken for the next meal.

When you pull the chicken out, it will just fall apart.  Make sure to get all of the chicken out of the crockpot, and strain drippings into a large container.  Place the carcass into a pot, and cover with water.  Boil, reduce heat, and simmer for about an hour.  Strain this broth into the drippings.  This will make a nice, thick broth for the next meal.

Place chicken into container with broth, cover, and place in the fridge.

Next meal is Fall Veggie and Chicken Soup.

Ingredients:

• Broth and chicken from previous meal
• 1/2 of a butternut squash, chopped
• 3 carrots, chopped
• 1 sweet potato, diced
• 1/2 onion, chopped

Directions:

1. Place all items into broth.
2. Heat to boil, then simmer for 45-60 minutes.
3. Eat!

Be on the lookout for more two meals out of one chicken recipes!

Today I am thankful for memories.

Today is a bitter-sweet day.  Three years ago on Thanksgiving was the last time I saw my brother.  He was pretty happy that day (which was unusual).  He had just gotten out of the hospital a few days before… He had had weeks of electric shock therapy and couldn’t remember much.  I can hear him right now asking my Meemaw how old my kids were.  I really don’t think he remembered them, but he was putting on a front as if he did.  He was so awesome that day, though, despite all he had been through.  He helped Meemaw clean up the kitchen.  He played with the kids for hours in the backyard.  He just had so much fun pulling the kids around in the wheelbarrow.

I’m also thankful for the time that I got to spend with my grandpa.  Those memories will stay with me forever.  He isn’t doing very well, so I’m pretty sure those will be my last memories of him.  Luckily, I not only have those, but I have so many of my childhood.

I’m hoping that I can move on past this and make memories today with my family.  I want my kids to have the wonderful memories that I have of my childhood .  We’re about to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade!  Next, we are going to bake some cookies and hopefully make a few Thanksgiving crafts!

Day 17:

I feel like I talk about my preschool so much… but I cannot imagine working anywhere else!

What I’m thankful for today is that our curriculum is focused on Jesus!  I spent some time yesterday planning for the next several weeks, and I’m amazed that everything is centered around sharing Jesus and His love.  When planning a week of Sun, Moon, and Stars, we’re focused on the fact that God created them all!  He created the night and the day.  His creation is beautiful!  When planning three weeks of Christmas lessons and activities, the focus is that Jesus came to earth.  I absolutely LOVE being able to share Christ every day, even through the little things that we do.  Such an amazing opportunity to be used by Him for His glory!
Day 18:

I’m so thankful for music!  Particularly music about my Savior.  David Crowder, Shane and Shane, and JJ Heller are some of my favorites because they can help me get my focus away from this crazy world, and put it where it belongs… on my Jesus.

Here are some of my favorite songs from them… some are “old,” but everytime I hear them I hear the lyrics like they are new.

Oldie by a goodie