I have finally caught up on things around the house, the kids are in bed early (after playing for several hours!), and my hubby is out of town… So, I have a little bit of time to write! This post will be a bit random… bare with me!
I struggle at times with an over-whelming sense of anxiety and depression. I have found recently that it typically lasts several days each month, and it is so over-whelming that I struggle to do anything. I feel like I’m drowning in it. My wonderful husband picks up the slack on these days.
That happened this past week, and it was amazing how horrible I felt for a few days, then I felt great starting Wednesday (it was a complete 180). I’ve discovered a few things… I’m pretty sure that a huge part of it is hormonal, and also, I’m pretty sure that I’ve been low in iron (among other necessary minerals and vitamins). I started taking my amazing vitamins (Garden of Life Raw Women’s Vitamins) and fermented cod liver oil again, and I feel SO much better (I was extremely exhausted). I also do so much better when I’m exercising regularly, and I had “slacked” in that area for about a week.
Also, if you’ve heard about the death of Rick Warren’s son (which, I’m sure you have), you’ll understand why it hit me hard this week. He died by suicide (gun shot), and he was close to the same age as my brother. Apparently he had been struggling with mental illness since he was young, and Rick Warren just felt that it wasn’t anyone’s business, so that’s why no one knew (which, I think is awesome!). The hard thing is, people don’t understand mental illness at all… so there have been so many ugly things said to Rick about his son (and himself). It makes me SO angry, and it upsets me because I know that people felt the same way about my brother. I know it doesn’t matter, but I don’t understand why there is such misunderstanding about it! Mental illness is an illness just like any other… And many times, it takes the life of the person struggling with it. I have peace that my brother is with Jesus, and that’s what gets me through. He was miserable here on earth, and that was all he knew to do. At this point, all I can do is pray for Rick Warren, his family, and the people who are being ugly. That’s what we’re called to do.
Another struggle is finances… As soon as we get some money in our emergency fund, something comes up and we have to start all over again. This past month we had to get my car fixed, and Robert’s truck had some issues as well. And since I didn’t get paid for the week of Spring break, we’ve just been inching along, trying to make it to payday. So, in our struggle with money, I always assume that we (I) have done something wrong. I sit and think about all that I can do differently… and this time I came to the conclusion that I am doing just about everything I can (short of feeding my family junk!). We don’t eat out (we did today for the first time in a month or so!), we use cash for groceries (and I’m very meticulous in my planning), we don’t drive much, we don’t buy things… We do the best we can with what we have. And in coming to that conclusion, I felt a lot better. Just knowing that I am doing what I can makes a huge difference for me. I was also blaming myself because of the fact that I decided to not teach full time next year, but I don’t know that I would actually get a full time position anyway… I am not in control, God is! He has made it clear that I need to teach part time for a while still, and I am at peace with that decision. In the mean time, we’ll just continue living very frugally!
On a Positive Note
As I’ve grown into an adult, and grown in my walk with Jesus, I have learned so much about myself. And the biggest thing is that I am who God made me to be, I am loved by my Creator, He has me on a specific path in life for His glory, and I am ME for a reason and a purpose. This year has been so good for me… I’m excited to continue watching how God molds me and uses me for His glory! I no longer feel the need (most of the time) to compete with others… I just do things to improve or because I want to… not to look a certain way, or be someone that I’m not! I have found that He has gifted me in the area of teaching, and I absolutely love it. I love natural living, “homesteading” (having chickens, gardening, making lots from scratch, etc), I love being outdoors, I love to write, I am so blessed to have the family that I do, and most of all, I would be nothing without Jesus!
Working out and eating well used to be about looking a certain way… but I don’t care anymore! I work out because it makes me feel GOOD. It helps with my anxiety/depression, it gives me energy, and it just makes me plain happy. I feel strong and capable. I also eat to feed my body nutritious foods… not to lose weight. If I don’t lose another pound, I’m okay with that. Eating well shouldn’t be about the scale, but about how you feel! Being skinny isn’t everything… and honestly, I am finally at my pre-Karis weight/size, and I’m good with that.
The Rest of this School Year and Summer
Life is crazy/busy as usual, but I’m loving it!
I have several goals as this school year comes to a close:
- Clean out the kids’ closets and drawers (getting rid of clothes that don’t fit and/or winter clothes)
- Get my classroom cleaned out and organized (and organize my school things at home)
- Finish the first section of my childbirth education class (yes, I’m a bit behind…)
- Make a plan for finishing the class (with-in the year). I would like to be able to get my business set up by the beginning of next spring!
- Read the book that I got from Book Sneeze; do a review and giveaway
- Come up with a blogging schedule (will post as soon as I do!)
Goals for the summer:
- Complete the physiology portion of my CBE class; read 2-3 books and do reviews (for the class)
- Keep up with my blogging schedule (get ahead so that when I’m out of town, my posts will automatically publish)
- Do “school” with the kids several days a week (schedule for this coming soon!)
- Look at each theme for school and “perfect” it (add to, take away, etc)
- Play a lot! Take the kids to the park daily!
Anything else would just be extra . This summer, we will be even tighter financially than we are now, so I will have to make more changes to our grocery budget… but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Everything we do will have to be free or close to it, and luckily we will be out of town a lot during July (with the junior high kiddos), so we won’t have to worry about much then. Summers are hard for someone who gets paid hourly, just during the school year! Hopefully next year we will be able to get ahead a little before summer… but I won’t count on it (just in case). We will just do the best we can!
Oh… life! Just taking it one day at a time!
I’ll be back soon with some great posts! I have missed writing!