I realize that there are so many blog posts like this these days… but I thought I’d share my perspective . I think this is important, because it’s real.
Being a mommy is quite possibly the most difficult job in the world.
Much of the time, the kids’ whining, screaming, and fighting grate on my nerves and make me very frustrated and angry.
I fight very hard against yelling, but it just comes out.
When it comes to sounds that cause sensory over-load, self-control is very difficult.
Then there’s the mess. Often times, I clean the house, and with-in 30 minutes is already a mess again.
Even more often, I have a hard time even getting it clean because they are messing it up while I’m cleaning.
I. Hate. Messes.
I spend hours most weekends baking, and either the food is wasted, or they don’t like it.
I spend hours on our meal plan, and cooking nutritious food… and they whine because it’s not what they want.
The internet makes being a mommy even more difficult. Constantly, I feel like what I do isn’t good enough.
“Stop screaming, stop whining, stop running in the house, stop making a mess…” These are words that come out of my mouth, often.
I’m not crafty. I try, but it doesn’t come naturally.
My house isn’t perfectly decorated.
Despite the fact that I know how to bake nutritious food, I can’t say that I make the most tasty food.
I don’t read to the boys every day (yes, I said that… and I’m a teacher).
Karis reads to me, but I don’t read to her as often as I should.
I sometimes forget to brush Levi’s teeth or remind Ethan to brush his (yuck, I know). We don’t bathe them every day.
Some days, I turn on movies/t.v. so I can have some peace. and. quiet.
I am so forgetful. Levi is probably always the only one in his class not wearing the color of the day.
No matter how hard we try, we never have any money. It seems to go to something that the kids need as soon as we get paid… ballet costume and performance fees, pictures, something at school, FOOD.
Have I mentioned that my kids eat more than my husband and I do? And I have a budget of $500-600 a month for a family of 5, for food and everything else.
Some days I grow weary of trying to feed myself and my family so healthy (but, now that I know so much about nutrition, I can’t turn back).
Some days, I wish I could just go back to the old days… you know, before I had kids… before I knew any better… before I researched everything and felt that no matter how hard I tried, I was doing something wrong.
But… I am here, now.
So… I love my kids. Today. I take one moment at a time. I drink a glass of wine when I need to. I spend some time alone when I feel like I’m going to yell at my kids. I read to them instead of trying to make the house look spotless. I remind myself that I have a chance to try again tomorrow. I remind myself that God loves me… right here… right now. And I remind myself that the kids have everything they need… what more could they ask for?
I know that the years of whining, fighting, and screaming will pass by and I will probably only remember the good. I desire, right here and now, to be more diligent to focus on the good. But, I also know that I am human and it’s easy to get overwhelmed.
This is also where I remind myself that because 100% is impossible, 80-90% is pretty good . I’m not always going to get it right… but that’s okay. I feel that the times I don’t get it right are great ways to teach my kids. Remind them that we are all imperfect… that’s why Jesus came. Show them what humility is. Show them that God loves each one of them, just like He loves me… even when I make mistake after mistake.
I’m learning, slowly, to just live life. Some days are harder than others… but God’s grace is sufficient.
I’m thankful for the little things… like when Ethan tells me how beautiful I am, or when Karis reads her Bible (often), or when Levi gives hugs and kisses. I’m thankful that my kids have a good heart and that they love others. I’m thankful that Jesus is the center of their world. I’m thankful that we all say “I love you” all day, every day. I’m thankful that my kids are healthy. I’m thankful that we have all of our needs met… even though we don’t have what the world says we need.
Being a mama is the most difficult job in the world… but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.