May 17 2012

Control, Letting Go, Discipling


I have noticed something.  There are moments in my day when I feel like I can let go.  Let go of control.  Let go of anxiety.  Let go of perfection… and when I do, I feel so weightless.  The moments don’t last long right now, but I feel hope that they will continue to happen more often, and for longer periods of time.

One example is allowing my kids to be loud.  Loud makes me feel like life is chaotic… so I feel the need to control their loudness.  But I can’t.  Obviously.  I mean, they are young kids.  They are loud.  That’s just what they do.

Another thing is running in the house… Levi likes to run.  It’s probably one of his favorite things to do.  There are moments in the day when it’s just easier to allow him to do that… even if it’s inside.  It makes him happy, he’s not being unsafe, it’s physical exercise, and he’s not fighting with Ethan while he’s doing that.

Also, Ethan is very passionate and intense… in everything that he does.  This includes throwing tantrums.  I have always understood that I needed to control him.  But, as I grow, I realize that I am unable to control him… Instead, I have had to learn to teach him to control himself… make “smarter choices”… think about what he’s doing and why he’s doing it… have natural consequences for his actions.  This is probably the area of my life in which I feel the most hope for the first time in a long time.  It’s kind of the “love and logic” way of thinking.  I have such a long way to go because my natural tendency is to try to control him, but I am learning and that’s all I can ask for.  Each day, I have to wake up and decide to make the conscious effort to train and disciple him, not just react… and to choose my battles ;-) .

Again, I have a long way to go, but I am thankful that I have come this far.

I know that God has some amazing things planned.

May 17 2012

Thankful Thursdays


I have decided to create a new series… Thankful Thursdays.  I feel that it’s so easy to be focused on the difficult times in life that I forget about all that there is to be thankful for!  I’m going to dedicate Thursdays to focus on the blessings that God has given me (and it’ll get me thinking about it more in general).

Yesterday, I found out about a family that lost their 3 year old in a car accident.  The reality of that overwhelmed me.  I don’t understand what that’s like, and I never want to have to understand that.  I definitely held my babies closer last night, and I spent some time reflecting on my time with my little ones.  None of us are exempt from this type of tragedy… I found that to be true when my brother committed suicide, and I was reminded of that again yesterday.

I fought and fought for the opportunity to be home with my kids, and have I taken advantage of this opportunity?  Not really.  I have been so focused on constant changes and transition.  I have been struggling with Ethan’s behavior.  I have learned a lot about myself.  But, I haven’t been focused on enjoying each little moment and taking advantage of this time that I have fought so hard for.

So… here… in this moment… I’m going to look at all that God has blessed me with and allowed for our family.

  • Robert- He loves Jesus, and wants to follow His plan for our family.  He loves others with passion, and desires for others to know that they are loved.  He has taught me so much about God and His unconditional love; in the moments when I feel like I am unlovable, he reminds me that I can’t be loved any more.  He gives me moments to have nervous breakdowns, and helps me pick back up.  He loves me right where I am.  He is the picture of unconditional love in this world, to me.  Not only is he an amazing husband, but he’s an amazing father.  I couldn’t have asked for a better person to live my life with.

  • Ethan- as he sits next to me, playing with his cars… with his loud boy noises this early morning… I am thankful for his sweet hugs and kisses… for his desire to “hold me” every day… for his passion for life.  He gets easily discouraged when things aren’t perfect (uh oh!).  When he writes letters, he gives up almost immediately when it doesn’t look just right.  He loves to clean and organize.  He is definitely like me in this way, but just like his daddy in that he likes to know how everything works.  He throws tantrums a lot, but I’ve learned that it’s because he needs routine and structure, and we haven’t had that lately.  He also needs lots of one-on-one time, and lots of affection.

  • Levi- for his two-year-old-ness… he is very intense… into everything… and so, so sweet.  He is so smart, talkative, busy, and loving.  He loves his brother and sister.  He is very rough and loves to run.  He is all boy, and SO two years old.  He enjoys playing with cars, and especially enjoys playing by himself outside because he isn’t bothered.  He loves to sing, dance, and be loud :-) .

  • Karis- the most girly girl that I know… who loves creating, ballet, and science.  She dances around the house all the time.  She loves learning about God’s creation, and she soaks in anything that she learns about it.  Math and science come very easily to her, as well as arts; though, she struggles with reading much of the time.  She is very intelligent, but as she compares herself to others, she gets easily discouraged.  I can already see myself in her, and I pray that God would use me to intentionally teach her how much she is loved right where she is… and to not compare herself to others because it’s futile.  She has been fighting me as I try to get her to read aloud to me, and I found out last night that it’s because she doesn’t read as well as others (older kids!).  We had a sweet time as I encouraged her and reminded her that it’s not about what others can do… that we are unique and God made us just the way we are for a reason… We are going to make a point to have “girl time” every night as she reads to me.  I have also had to remind myself that despite her intelligence, she is still only technically in kindergarten ;-) .

  • For the ability to buy a house… I have talked a lot about the pride that I have with buying “just a house” after having a beautiful, historic home, but I have learned to be thankful that we can buy a house… no matter the size or style.  I am thankful that our family has and will have a place to call “home.”
  • For all of our needs met, and more.  We don’t deserve all that we’ve been given, and I can only hope that I’m a good steward to all that God has entrusted us with.
  • For the ability to be home with my kids, despite the fact that it can be very difficult.  I hope to look back on this time in my life, and see how God used me to teach and disciple our children.
  • For amazing friends and family.  For people to love me right where I am and to live this life with.  For the ability to be encouraged, and to encourage.  For the ability to be discipled and to disciple.
  • For the ability to start a fresh, new chapter in life after some very difficult years.

I could go on and on, but I’ll save something for next week :-) .  I look forward to reflecting on what I’m thankful for each week!!

May 16 2012

The House and Our Plans for It

I thought I would share the house and our plans… only because it makes me happy :-) .  I can understand if you really could care less ;-) .  I just enjoy dreaming about how we will make this house OUR home!  It seems as though that because it’s smaller (and newer than our current home), we can do more with it (and we’re not having to spend time/money just fixing things like we did with our current house).

When we close on our current house, we will use most of the profit to put down on the new house (which is why our payment will be so low!), and we plan on using a little bit to fix up the “new” house as well.  We are trying to do simple/inexpensive things to make it “ours.”  I’m excited about what we have planned :-) .

After that, the rest will go into savings… then we will begin our debt snowball!  We should probably put all of the rest into our debt (instead of buying things for the house), but we want to make our house a home and make it fun to be in!  That’s very important to us!

(I apologize for the picture quality… the pictures are all from my phone.  I couldn’t find my camera!)

This is the dining room.  The door to the right is the front door.  I took the picture from the living room.  We don’t need to do much in there :-) .  I think I will use an olive/white tablecloth like this one:

Or maybe the table-runner, place-mats, and napkins (we use cloth napkins).

This is the living room.  The picture is taken from the entry way.  I forgot to take a picture of the front of the fire place.  It is in the middle of the house.  We will only put a couch and one/two small chairs (along with the small coffee table and side tables that we have) in the living room to open it up.  There is currently way too much furniture in the small space (including a chair right in front of the fire place!).  Other than that, we won’t need to do much! (it’s honestly not really any smaller than our current living room)

This is the opening from the dining room into the kitchen.  We are planning on taking out the wall from the counter top–>up in the kitchen in order to open the kitchen up into the dining room.  We will hang a pot rack in order to still have some kitchen storage (since there aren’t many cabinets as it is!).  We’re trying to decide between one that will hang on the wall and one that will hang on the ceiling.

Above the stove is the section of wall/cabinets that we’re going to take out and replace with a pot rack.  We are also going to replace the stove with a stainless or black glass-top :-) .  We are going to replace the counter tops with travertine tile (this will only cost us about $100 for the whole kitchen!!!).  We will probably be replacing the tile on the floor with a slate or travertine (since the floor is so small, it won’t cost much!). We’re also going to paint it a beige color (to match the travertine counter-tops and/or floor).  We already have the paint… leftover from painting here. :-)

I might use the green color scheme in the kitchen to match the dining room:


Since we currently have red and black dishes (to match the kitchen that we currently have), we have decided to buy new dishes. I honestly don’t like red/black, but it went well with the black and white tile that was all over the kitchen.  I’m trying to decide between these:

Or we might just choose an assortment of solid colors :-) .

Here is another view of the kitchen.  The refrigerator and dishwasher are staying, and they are pretty new!  They work well!

The view of the kitchen from the garage (into the living room). The kitchen is small… but that means less to clean ;-) .

The view from the living room down the hallway.  This is where the rest of the house is :-) .  We’re thinking about painting a section of the wall with chalkboard paint for the kids!

Kids/Guest/Hall bath.  We’re going to eventually replace this flooring with slate as well… but we’re going to wait a while.  The kitchen is currently higher priority.  I’m looking at decorating it with the tree bathroom decor collection.  We’ll see :-)   The only thing is that the decor is brown and white… not sure if it’ll go with gray!  I do really like it, though, and I think the colors will be fine.


I’m also thinking about the Awesome Owls collection, to make it more kid-friendly :-) and I love owls.  I could just use solid colored towels that we already have with either of these.

This will be the boys’ room.  We will keep it blue (since that is Ethan’s favorite color!).  It looks small from this view, but it’s actually not a bad size.  I should have taken more pictures :-) .  We will eventually build some “built in” bunk beds for the boys.  I plan to do a camping theme in here.  Not exactly sure how we will do this, yet… but we’ll figure it out. We have lots of ideas from pinterest ;-) .

This is the quilt/sheets that Ethan has and we’re going to work around this:

Or I might go with this because it goes with the theme:

The only downside to this is that I would have to buy it ;-) .
This will be Karis’ room.  We’re going to paint the walls the light pink that is currently in her room.  It is going to be tough to fit all of her furniture in there, but we’ll figure it out.  If her bed wasn’t a full size, it wouldn’t be a big deal!  I would just get rid of the bed, but it is antique and handed down in the family (it was mine, and before that my mom’s, and before that my great-grandmother’s).

The plan is to try to have a “ballet wall,” complete with a large mirror and ballet bar.  I also want to have a little school area to put her desk for her to do her homework.  I think we’re probably going to end up putting her dresser inside the closet if it’ll fit so that we can open up her room.  We’ll see!  Her closet is a pretty good size, and most of her clothes fit in her dresser (we mainly just hang dresses).

She currently has some cute bedding, but being that it is a comforter, it has been washed a few times and it’s already not in great shape… so I’ve decided to get her a quilt that will last a bit longer.  This is the quilt/sheets that we’re looking at (she picked out):


This is the master bedroom.  Again, this view makes it look small, but it’s actually a good size.  There are two closets, and a little sitting area.  There is a door that leads to the backyard.  There is also a bathroom to the right.  I should have taken more pictures ;-) .

I took a picture of the master bathroom, but it didn’t turn out well at all.  We’re going to use decor that we already have for that bathroom.  This is the curtain that we have:

I’m currently looking at pieces of wall art to hang to add a touch of fun to each room :-) .  So far, I like:




Or I might try to make my own… we’ll see.  I’m not very creative/crafty.

Obviously, this is the backyard.  It’s much smaller than our current backyard (we’re going from .23 acres to .14 acres!), but there is a lot of potential here.  We’re going to trim the tree that’s hanging over the back fence, put the swing-set there, and Robert wants to build a playhouse and sandbox for the kids.  We will also do some small fall gardens :-) (when it’s time).  We want to make the best use of the space as possible.

I know that this is JUST a garage… but we have only had a 2 car (attached) garage once in our marriage… for about 6 months :-) .  So, this is exciting to us.

Robert is going to bring some counter tops and cabinets that are at his work to be taken and make a little area for me to work on laundry.  This will be so nice!  Right now, I don’t have a good space to work on laundry.

Close by is an amazing, large, wooden playground!  We’ve already been there about 5 times.  The kids love it!

It has just about everything a kid could want, including a large sandbox, tons of slides, swings for all ages, little playhouse areas, etc.  It is HUGE.  This is literally, maybe 2-3 minutes away by car.  We could walk there, easily.  Right next to this playground is a spray park.  It opens Memorial Day weekend!  I think we will spend a lot of time there :-) .

As you can see, we are making the most of “down-sizing.”  I am super excited about just starting this new chapter!!

May 14 2012

New Chapter in Our Lives

We had the inspection completed on the house Saturday (which went well), and it was so good to be able to step foot in the house again.  It seems much bigger than the 1284 square feet that are on the listing.  I guess the lay-out makes a huge difference.

After leaving the house that day, I began to be SO excited!  I hadn’t been too terribly excited because I was sad that we were leaving our amazing house for “just a house.” But, God has given me a peace, joy, and excitement for the next chapter in our lives!

We have a lot of plans to do “simple” things to make the house ours!  I can’t wait until we close and get to move in.

I have also spent some time driving around, seeing what there is in the area, and looking for fun things for our family… and what I have found makes me excited :-) .

The location of the house is perfect.  It is about 5 minutes away from everything!  Karis’ school, Costco, Kroger, Sprout’s, Tom Thumb, Hobby Lobby, Target, Mardel, several gyms, several great parks (including a HUGE wooden playground), a spray park, tons of restaurants (which may be bad… hehe), and most importantly… Robert’s job and our church!  I don’t see a reason for us to leave Frisco very much.  I love that!

The fact that Karis will be in a great school and in ballet (which she talks about non-stop), the boys will be in preschool 2 days a week (which Ethan talks about all the time), I will hopefully join a gym (there are many in Frisco), we will be involved with the youth at church, and our family will go camping regularly is also exciting.  I didn’t realize what our family needed, but God did… and He is providing us with just that!

Robert and I have a camping/backpacking trip planned for the first week of June!  We are going to head to Guadalupe Mountain National park, tent camp, and take a few backpacking trips into the mountains.  I’ve never been there, but Robert has… In fact, he has gone backpacking there.  This is going to be a new adventure for me, and I cannot wait!

I feel as though this new chapter of our lives is going to be filled with living simply and intentionally.  I have been desiring this for a long time, and it has been a difficult journey… but we are finally there.

May 14 2012

Hopeful

I realize that the past few posts probably seemed hopeless, negative, and like I feel like things are just awful right now.  Honestly, that could be further from the truth.  On the contrary, God is providing me hope through all of the wisdom that He is giving me… through the hard days and difficult moments.

Gaining wisdom and faith is not an easy road.  I am thankful for the hard days because they grow me to be more like Him.  I also realize in those moments that I cannot walk this road alone… not only the journey of motherhood, but life in general.

I have come to a point in which I cannot go a day without spending time with Jesus.  This is exactly where I need to be.  When I try to walk this path alone is when I falter… struggle… feel like I’m falling apart.  When I walk this road holding His hand, He gives me exactly what I need.

The cool thing is, His grace is sufficient even when I try to do things on my own… even when I try to take control… even when I take my eyes off of Him.  He loves me the same, and He desires to carry me through.

Jesus loves me, this I know.

May 13 2012

Guilt

The one thing that I desperately want is to not allow my anxiety and depression make me feel guilty.  I know that guilt isn’t from God.  Guilt is from the enemy.  He wants me to walk in guilt because then I am not as effective.

But guilt is exactly what I walk in, daily.  When I miss quiet time because I have a hard time getting up at 5:00.  When I yell at my kids out of frustration.  When I say “not right now,” again.  When I am lazy.  When I put cleaning before playing.  When I’m too tired to get up and do anything (anxiety takes a lot of my energy).  When I need alone time, again. When I go back and forth about making decisions for my kids because I realize that the decisions are all about me, not about what’s best for them.  When I try to follow other people’s ways, and they don’t work for us.  When life isn’t perfect for my family.  When I’ve been online too long, again.  When I didn’t make a meal plan this week, and we eat out too much or scramble to find something to eat.  When I spend too much money, again.

The reason why I feel guilty is because I assume that I shouldn’t struggle with these things… that I shouldn’t ever yell (what good mom does that??)… that I should never allow myself to be “lazy”…that I should always want to play with the kids… that I should have no issue getting up at 5:00am to spend time with Jesus because I know that when I don’t, my day starts off rough… that I shouldn’t live by emotion (I mean, I know that emotions are nothing in the grand scheme of things)… that I shouldn’t need so much alone time… that I have no reason to be anxious and depressed (I have an amazing family and amazing life!)… other moms are fine without alone time, why can’t I be?  Why do I keep spending money??  I know better.  Why does this Coke Zero taste so good??  Why do I feel the need to go to Chick Fil A again?  We have plenty of food… and I could take the kids to the park to play…

Whew…………..

I’m not “there” yet, but I know that if I just give in and stop trying to control everything to be perfect… give in to knowing that I am who I am and our family has different needs… that I DO struggle with anxiety, and that’s just the way it is… that it is OKAY that I need alone time… If I just rest in knowing that God loves me right where I am… If I just allow myself to be and stop trying to achieve perfection… I think a lot of these things would get better…

Taking. One. Day. At. A. Time.  That’s all I can do…

May 13 2012

Transparency on this Mother’s Day…

On this Mother’s Day, I have decided to be completely transparent about my journey as a mother…

My amazing husband tells me everyday how amazing I am… an amazing wife and mother… but I know differently.  I know my heart.  I know that I want nothing more than to not struggle with anxiety anymore… and sometimes I feel that it is at the cost of my family.

This week, I have needed so much alone time (because of constant stress), and today, on “mother’s day” was no different… and when I didn’t get that this morning, I threw a little “hissy fit” inside.

Robert had to work this morning at church, and from 5:45 am (when Ethan got up) on, I had to “deal” with kiddos that refused to obey and needed a lot from me today… more than I had to give (knowing that it’s because I was being self-centered).

It didn’t get any better when we got to church.  Two out of the three kids cried when I dropped them off (unusually).  Instead of making them feel wanted and secure, I just got mad.  I just wanted to be able to drop them off, and go spend time worshiping my Savior.  And all they wanted was to know that I was going to come back soon and to show them how much I loved them.

I then went to the Coffee House small group at our church, and all I could think about during the praise and worship was that I failed as a mother today, as usual.

Instead of the teacher teaching today, they did a “panel of mothers.”  The panel was made up of “seasoned” mothers.  The moms had to answer questions about motherhood, and being a godly mother.

I was quickly convicted when he asked the question “where does a mother’s selflessness come from?”

I don’t feel that I AM selfless… I feel that I am so selfish.  In fact, I know that I am selfish so much of the time.

The answer to their question reminded me that this walk wasn’t made to be walked alone.  They reminded me by their answers that without Jesus, we are selfish… Jesus alone gives us the power to be selfless.  They discussed the difficulty of being a mom over the years and how much they have messed up, but that God gave them what they needed each day.  There were days when they couldn’t do it anymore, and they just told Him that they couldn’t and He always gave them what they needed.

Gosh… I am so human.  I have days when I feel like my anxiety is going to drown me.  But God knows that about me, and He knew that when He decided that I was fit enough to be mommy to Karis, Ethan, and Levi.  I am so thankful that He trusts me with them.  I don’t feel like I deserve it.  They are amazing, healthy, beautiful children and I love them with all that is with-in me… that is what it takes to be a mommy.  Love.  Not perfection. 

And the beautiful thing about His grace is that THEY love me just the way that I am… just like I love them unconditionally.

This season of transition (again) has been so hard on our family, and I feel a bit guilty about that.  I feel guilty that we have taken our kids through so many changes in life… But I know that God’s grace is sufficient for this as well.  He has allowed all that He has for His glory, and for our sanctification.

I know that change is part of life, and the only thing constant in this life is Jesus. 
“I wish this thing could pass from me, but I’m wanting what You want.  Bring me high or bring me low, just hold me in Your love.”

This anxiety that I struggle with on a daily basis is a thorn that God has allowed for a reason.  It flat out SUCKS some days… some days I feel like I’m paralyzed in it.  But, the flip side is that I cannot let go of my Savior’s hand, because when I do, I fall hard.  I don’t know how people get through without Him.

He is my rock, my salvation, my peace, my joy, provision, healer, hope, glorious, majestic, slow to anger, rich in love, merciful, freedom, and truly indescribable.

May 11 2012

Living Simply to Live Intentionally

So… I wrote the blog post yesterday about wants verses needs… and before I even published it (well, I had published it, then sent it back into a draft so that I could add to it), I had a huge temptation which sent me into a mess of anxiety.  In fact, I wasn’t sure that I would even end up publishing it because I thought maybe I was wrong.

By the end of the day, I realized that I’m not wrong… I am SO right (for our family at least!).  Satan likes to make me doubt these things… and he knows just how to send me into a tailspin of anxiety.  It’s a good thing that God knows me even better and knows exactly what I need to overcome that!!

Yesterday morning, I discovered a foreclosure that came back on the market… 2777 square feet.  Almost 1/3 of an acre.  Beautiful.  Even closer to Robert’s job (by maybe a couple of minutes).  In a neighborhood with some friends.  Robert went by and looked at it and loved it.  It needed some work, but he felt like we could just do enough to get moved in and slowly work on it after that.  I began to heavily doubt our decision to go forward with the smaller home.  This caused severe anxiety.  I was a mess for several hours.  At this point, I decided that I had to just hand everything over to Robert.  He knows what’s best for our family.

By God’s grace, Robert read my blog post.  It had been sent to his email when I published it initially.  He called me and told me that he had read it and felt conviction.

That house was amazing… and it wasn’t very expensive (if we could have even gotten it for the list price…).  BUT, it would take every bit of our resources.  It needed work to just move in.  Utilities on a house that size would be awful.  There would always be something that needed to be done.  We would have had to buy MORE furniture (there were two huge living areas).  More, more, more.

After spending some time with Jesus (which is how I should have started my day), I was quickly reminded that this is not what we need right now.  This is too much.  We are seeking simplicity, and we desire to pay off debt… this would take us the opposite direction.

I then realized that all that had been happening is Satan trying to distract me from our goal as a family.

I started re-reading Organized Simplicity (by Tsh Oxenreider of Simple Mom) yesterday again, knowing that it would offer some encouragement… and it DID.

From the first chapter of the book: Between 1950 and 2004, the average size of a home increased from 983 square feet (for more people) to 2,349 square feet (for less people).  The average square footage PER PERSON is now 900 square feet!  And are people happier?  Nope.  Just the opposite.  More people are stressed, anxious, and over-worked.  As a whole, we have bigger homes, more stuff, and less people in our lives.  How is this good?  It’s not.

I was then reminded that Robert and I have a goal… to live more simply AND live more intentionally.  If we buy a large home (that needs a lot of work no less), we will be so focused on the house, that we won’t live more intentionally.  And a house is… just a house.  It’s not worth it.

Through re-reading the first few chapters of this book (I haven’t gotten past the first few chapters!), I was reminded that our family needs to come up with a mission statement, and anytime we are tempted to do something that sways from our goal, we come back to that.  It seems silly, but I really feel that it will benefit us to be more intentional in life… choosing simplicity because it allows intentionality. 

Today, I am SO EXCITED about getting this whole process completed so that we can get on with our simple life!  I’m ready!

The next post I write will be specifics about how we plan to live more intentionally!  Can’t wait to begin processing that!

May 10 2012

Need… or just Want?

Since I decided to stay home, I have been reading many books about saving money and living simply.  One thing that I have seen repeatedly is that the more we have, the more we think we need, and the more anxiety it causes.

I have seen that played out in my life (while I worked), and I can attest to that… 100%.  When we made more, we spent more, and we felt that we needed more… and with how busy our lives were because of “needing more,” I was a mess.

One of the first things on the list of ways to save money in Money Saving Mom’s book was to downsize our house.  Every-time I read something about downsizing, I immediately felt convicted.  Our current house isn’t HUGE, but it is more than we need, it is far away from Robert’s work, etc.  I felt as if living here meant literally throwing money away every day (between high mortgage, gas, and tolls).  I knew that we needed to make a change.

This is what really spurred me on to feel that we needed to start looking into selling and buying a smaller home. We could have possibly made it work to stay here… but Robert would have to work side jobs every weekend to make that work… and I had to tutor (which was difficult while homeschooling, etc).  It just isn’t worth it!

I shared my blog post about processing through some pride that I have through this in a group on Cafemom (a Christian group), and I was amazed at how many women think they NEED a large home.  There were several that said that they think 2000-2600 square feet is too small!  What?!  To me, that is huge!  It kind of caught me off guard!

Then, I came back to the realization that the world tells us these things… We NEED a large home, lots of stuff, expensive things…  You know, the “American dream.”

I’m not saying that anyone that has a large home is wrong… I think it’s just the heart of the matter.  For someone to think that they absolutely NEED a 3000 square foot house, I just wonder what they would do if they ever lost their source of income!  There is way more to life than a large home.

I would LOVE it if we could afford a 2000 square foot house, but we just can’t right now.  I think the biggest thing for me at this point is that I’m truly becoming content in all circumstances… even if that means a small house, in a neighborhood that’s just “okay,” living with very little stuff.  In fact, I’m beginning to think that I want to continue living this way even if/when we make more money.  It would be so nice to live simply until we pay off all of our debt!

It’s a hard change to go from what I thought I wanted and needed to what we truly need.  It has taken a lot of prayer, processing, and adjusting in my heart and mind, but I’m getting there :-) .

I’m still struggling with day to day purchases… it’s so easy to just spend money.  And I’m not very disciplined… But, I have to just take it one day at a time… I WILL get there… and I believe that making big changes (such as in the type of house that we buy) are the most important. I had every intention to start the cash budgeting on May 1st, but we weren’t able to get to the bank until almost a week after Robert got paid (the bank isn’t close… we need to change that)… so I decided to try again at the next pay day :-) .

Some books that I find very helpful in this process are The Money Saving Mom’s Budget by Crystal Paine and Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider.

The Money Saving mom book is Dave Ramsey principles, coming from the perspective of a mom… so I find it very helpful for our family!

More to come on this topic… we’re just getting started!

May 9 2012

Be Thou My Vision

Today, we will officially be under contract on a house.  The inspection will be done tomorrow.  We are moving forward!  I am so thankful!!

You know what happened when I finally just let go and made the final decision to buy this house?  Peace.  I was fighting it so hard (because of the what-if’s that I talked about previously), then when I finally decided to trust Him, He gave me what I needed to be content with it.

Almost immediately following this, I began to have vision… not only for the cute things that we can do in the house, but for His purposes.  He began showing me ways that we can serve Him in that community, and began showing me why He had me pursue certain things.

Vision… it is something that I have lacked for a long time!  I have been so blinded by stress and worry… and now I can see ways to be used for His glory!

It’s not about ME and what I think I need, but it’s about loving, serving, and glorifying Him.

My prayer is that HE would be my vision from now on… not the things of this world!